hot chocolate

24

jungkook's house was cozy, minus the fact what  kind of foster family he had. we were sat in the living room of his home, looking through his pictures from when he was taken into this family. i don't know how this even ended up happening. probably from me asking too much about the pictures that were hung up on the wall and it resulted in him giving me the photo albums to look at the pictures myself.

'what was with that haircut jungkook?' i asked him while laughing like crazy at his bangs that were covering almost half of his face doing a peace sign. he was probably fifteen-sixteen around that time, not that far back in the past.

i expected him saying anything, but he was quiet. i turned my head to look at him only to see him already staring at me. i felt flustered, maybe he didn't like me going through his pictures? i started closing the photo album but his hand stopped me. 'what are you doing?'

'um... closing the photo album? i thought you were awkward that i'm looking through your photos-'

he interrupted me with his laugh. 'why would i give you the photo album if i didn't want you to look at them?' i just shrugged 'and after all, i don't even care about those photos. your smile is what made me stare at you and if my ugly old pictures will be the reason for it, i will show you them all of the time'

my eyes widened and i could feel my cheeks heat up. 'you're the only scenery i want to capture and put you in all the photo albums that i have so i can only look at you'

his hands went up to my face, softly cupping my cheeks. 'why don't you see how in love i am with you?'

my heart dropped at that. i felt bad for taking his heart and putting into my hands because how clumsy i am i could break it into pieces within seconds. it didn't feel fair to him so i could play around with his emotions.

'i love you jungkook, i truly do' just not the way you want me to...

his whole being lit up and i could see his eyes sparkle up. 'do you know how badly i wanted to hear that from you?' my heart cracked once again. i smiled at him, slowly leaning in and kissing his cheeks. i couldn't give myself up to hurt him, i really couldn't do that. he was so precious.

he pulled me into a hug. 'thank you for opening yourself to me, thank you so much' he whispered. 'no problem jungkook...' i said to him, swallowing the fact that with this i am going to hurt him so much more than i will when i actually tell him how things are working.

-

we spent the rest of the day watching movies and cuddling. there wasn't any emotions to describe how i was feeling at the moment, him expecting to give my whole love to him and me lying to that poor boy hurting over yoongi. i don't want jungkook to be just a rebound. i want him to be something to me, but i feel like that won't ever become real.

i played with jungkook's hair as quiet snores left his mouth. everything was peacful until my phone started vibrating in my pocket. i took it as fast as i could, trying hardly to not wake up jungkook. areum the caller id said. i hung up on her, considering i couldn't talk with her right now.

i started slowly moving his head from my lap and puting it on a pillow. for a second he started moving which made my breathing stop, but the second i could hear his light snores i exhaled quietly.

i walked to the bathroom and called areum again.

'hi, why'd you call?' i whispered. why are you whispering? 'i'm with jungkook and he's sleeping but i don't want him to wake up'

yeah, well... her voice became quiet too, it felt as if she had something big to tell me. 'what's wrong areum?' you won't like this at all... but your step father came again. he was yelling your name and he said how he wants to see you. 'what...?' i whispered even quieter than before, the grip on my phone being tighter so that my knuckels turned white. 'you're joking with me right?' i wish i was sun, i really wish i was. i think you should stay with jungkook a little bit longer. ilsung can't enter the orphanage, but it's still better to be safe than sorry.

i felt a tear roll down my cheek. i wiped it off fast, as if someone could see me. 'okay areum, thank you' i told her then hung up on the phone, not letting her say anything.

my body was now being supported by a wall and i slowly started to slide down the wall. tears were escaping my eyes and it was now when i found myself quietly sobbing. he shouldn't be searching for me. he shouldn't.

a knock on the door interupted me.

hey, sun is everything okay? no jungkook it isn't. i wish it was. - was what i wish i said.

instead i just told him 'everything's fine jungkook' but i can hear you sobbing? shit... i stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. my eyes were swollen from all the crying and my cheeks were wet. 'i was watching some videos, i d-didn't want to wake you up!' i yelled. my stutter gave everything okay. sun, please open the door. i sighed loudly and opened the door which revealed jungkook with his arms crossed leaning against the wall. it was quite dark in the house since it was nightime and none of the lights were turned on, but i could see his expression change from blank to worried in a millisecond.

he instantly wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. 'i knew you were crying! what happened, please tell me!' he pulled me away from him and stared in my eyes. 'i was just watching some videos jungkook, t-there is no need to worry' i tried to reassure him. but it was mostly to reassure myself, because he didn't seem like he bought my lie. he cupped my face with his large hands and stared directly into my eyes. his stare was laced with so much concern and worry.

'please noona, if you're sad i'm sad. and i don't want that for the both of us' i sighed in defeat. 'ilsung, my stepfather, came back to the orphanage searching for me' his expression changed from worried to angry. 'that motherf-' 'shh please don't say anything' i whispered to him. 'jungkook i'm really scared! why does he keep coming into my life. he ruined everything with my mother what does he want now' i started yelling and tears were running down my cheek again. jungkook pulled me into a hug again. 'look baby, i won't let anyone touch you. especially that sick bastard. you're my biggest and only priority right now and i won't let that dick ruin your life' my eyes widened. 'okay?' he kissed my forehead and i just froze. 't-thank you jungkook... i really appreciate you...' i told him and pulled him into a hug. 'now come on, i won't let my girl be sad. let's go make some pancakes!' he pulled me into a sidehug and i just nodded.