It Doesn't Matter (Matter #1)

36. A Simple Complex Conversation

Malkia came back to school on Wednesday with a bit of her usual fighting spirit, just a bit of it. She had spent the previous night at Naya's talking about getting tagged again, about being bullied by the gang of students on her way out of the school. Naya thought it was understandable and quite predictable for Ryuu to tag her and Malkia had tried to explain to her why the action had hurt her so much.
She opened her mouth and closed it a few times before the words came to her "I just didn't think he could do that to me, he's been so good to me of late and he gave me this-" she showed Naya the bracelet which she was still wearing for some reason, she'd hadn't been wearing it to school but she always found herself slipping it on at random times "-and this is really expensive, I feel like it's a way of saying he trusts me you know? And he gave it back to me when I lost it too." When she had lied to him about it.
"The fact that it's expensive doesn't mean a lot to him, I'm sure." Naya had countered.
"You're right," she'd said thinking of all the other things she hadn't dared say, he always cared about her, he always made her smile and he seemed to like saying things that made her shove him, someone who could kiss her the way that he had kissed her couldn't possibly want to make her hurt the way that tag had hurt, they just couldn't.
She'd grown confident, she realized, confident in his feeling for her and she had thought that he would never try to hurt her. It hurt that he was intending to do just that, it hurt but she realized and Naya agreed that it had happened and she needed to find a way to get over it and face the battle she would have to have with the entire student body once more.
So she got to school early, the way she had been since Monday and waited by the gates for him to arrive. She was thankful to see the Luke hadn't shown up early.
She walked over to his car and took off the bracelet on her way there he got out of the car and waited for her to get to him.
He was looking at her the way he used to look at her when she first came to the school. Like he was better than her, like he was looking at her from beneath his nose, it irked so much it made what she was about to do easier.
Fine! She thought as though he could hear her, she'll be with Luke, who wants a guy who could do what he was doing to her anyway? It made sense for her to be with Luke. And he could keep looking at her like that and giving her the red tag all he wanted, she wouldn't care.
"Here," she said handing him the bracelet when she was finally in front of him "figured I should give this back,"
Ryuu looked at the bracelet for a moment, he found himself going back to last Friday when they had gone shopping and shared that wonderful afternoon, when she had smiled at him like he was the only one that could make her smile like that. How she had shoved him so many times he had learned how to have a balance that let her move him without him falling over on his ass.
He wanted to tell her that she could keep it, that it like his heart was still hers but he took it instead. He looked at it for a second then reached for her arm, why was she walking away from him so easily, without saying a word, without trying to ease his hurt?
"You know all of this could be over if you just apologized," he said moving closer so there was even less distance between them, so he could smell her. He didn't let go of her hand because he yearned to touch her.
She looked up at him surprised by his words, he thought that she might consider his offer but instead she said "I apologized already, you're asking for more than that," she read his eyes to confirm "My heart cannot be bought, not even with fear."
"Fear?" Ryuu laughed, the sound was rather hysterical "I'm not trying to buy you, I just want to have you." He looked like her Ryuu just then like he loved her and his eyes spoke to her.
"You can't force me," she whispered.
There was a certain finality in her voice that made his chest hurt even more, he let go of her hand, he'd meant to do it in a menacing manner but he did it like someone who had been burnt instead.
"Then you'll get what's coming to you," he said placing the bracelet in his pocket.
Malkia looked at him for the longest time, she almost regretted crying all those days over him, he was not worth any of it, he was not worth her guilt or remorse not if this was who he was. Not if this was how he thought he could get her back.
She would just forget him and relish the fact that Luke liked her, she turned her back and decided to completely wipe him from her mind, it wasn't like he occupied any part of her heart. She was honest with herself and admitted that he might of have in a month or so but it was not the case just then.
Good riddance she thought facing the school and walking through the front doors, people were looking at her and she saw that they were all carrying things, things they could throw at her like tomatoes and eggs.
One had actually raised their hand, ready to throw when Jamila appeared as though she was summoned and hugged her from behind. She sounded cheery and happy.
"Hey," Malkia said turning around to look at her.
"I'm trying to protect you," Jamila said smiling at her sheepishly "they will never throw anything so long as you are with me, I mean really, I could make Ryuu look like he is kind because it will not end with a simple shaming scheme, I will go after their companies and they will be hit with so many lawsuits they will not be able to afford going here." She said the last part loud enough for the people around them to hear then turned to smile at them.
"Thanks," Malkia said feeling grateful.
"You know Ryuu - he means well." Jamila said when they finally got to her classroom.
Malkia rolled her eyes.
"Really, he just, he's hasn't been through this before and tagging people is his best way to deal, you know? I mean, we all grow up in empty households because our parents are running around the galaxy trying to make more money; we spend our entire lives trying to make them see us. There are different approaches of course, for example I always get into trouble, like how I got kicked out of boarding school. Ryuu he treats the employees and everyone he can mean and he hopes they'll try to punish him, rein him in. Jay is different, he comes from a family that doesn't expect him to step out of line so he makes sure not to get any attention at all. Simba had his mom at home at least so he also had to act right. Luke doesn't have parents and seeing them die has humbled him, so he's more down to earth than all of us."
"Is that supposed to make me understand him?"
"It's supposed to make you understand all of us, we're different from you, we're a year older but we have all this freedom and it isn't a good thing. So we have to learn from the people around us, and you're one of those people."
"I'm not interested,"
Jamila sighed "I wish you were, you were so good for him, his sister would say so too."
Malkia stopped and turned to face Jamila and looked straight into her eyes "Why are you trying to sell me on Ryuu, I thought you were okay with me and Luke?" She tried not to sound accusatory; she felt she had no right to do that.
Jamila placed her hands on Malkia's shoulders "M, I'm not trying to sell you on anything I just think Ryuu is a better fit for you, I'm saying this as your friend not as someone who dated one of the guys you're supposed to choose."
"I know you mean well, but I can't just forget what he's trying to do to me,"
"I'm sure it's the same for him," Jamila said then went into class her, giving her classmates more than one reason to stare.
Malkia felt conscious of all the people looking at her as she entered the class but she had barely sat when Jay came into class and sat in the desk next to her.
"Good morning," he said merrily before he winked at a girl in front of them that had turned to stare at him, the girl turned around so she could blush in peace.
"Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Making sure no one does anything to you, I can't change Ryuu's mind but I can do this."
Malkia was shocked "Why?"
"What do you mean why, we're friends,"
She didn't think of them that way "I guess,"
"So mean," he teased her "either way you're dating one of my best friends it just sucks that they're both in love with the same person,"
"Yeah," she said then decided to change the conversation "so you and Naya huh?"
"What? Oh, I think I need to give up on her."
Jamila made her eyes really big and asked "Why?" Tom walked in just then and sat on her other side. He nodded his greeting to the both of them and got out his a book from his bag and fished another one from Malkia's bag before he started copying her homework.
"I thought she was experienced, I thought and I could do my usual and hit and run but-"
"She's not that kind of girl,"
"Exactly, and I would usually do it anyway but I've gotten to know her and I feel as though it would totally ruin her,"
Malkia knew how badly her friend liked him. She knew that her friend was hoping he was the one. Unlike her, Naya was a hopeless romantic, which is why she kissed so many people, she was hoping to turn one frog into a prince some day and that was also why she only stopped there. The way she talked of Jay told her that she thought that she had found the one. It broke her heart a bit to realize that it was all in her friend's head.
"I did but she's so determined to be around me, she wants to be friends."
"That's not so bad,"
"I'm not you, I can't just spend time with someone and change my life."
"Why did you say you aren't me?"
"Isn't that what you were trying to do with Ryuu?"
"That still makes no sense,"
"I meant I can't give her false hope when I know I could never change, I can never be what she needs," what Jay didn't say was that he still craved her, it was a constant hunger for him and that was why he didn't want to try and be friends, he was afraid he might lead her on and then leave. A part of him wondered why he couldn't just stay.
Simba joined her for the break session and both boys came back for Lunch but Luke shooed them away. He had finally felt brave enough to see her sad face. He had been dreading it the entire day especially because Simba had had a talk with him yesterday.
He, like Jay had asked him why he was doing this and he had said it was because it was what he wanted. And Simba, ever the observing one had asked him "What about what she wants? Is it alright for you to make her this miserable? Don't you think you need to weigh in her happiness and comfort as well? You've always been very selfish because you've always spent most of your time in your own head, but look around you, do you see the same girl when you look at her? What good is your love if it makes her that unhappy?"
He couldn't say a word back, because it had all hit him hard and he didn't know what to do. He had spent the night up wondering. What was he supposed to do, she loved him, she had said so herself at one point. Wasn't their love enough to keep them together. Did they really have to give up on each other?
"Hey," he said to her then, he had made up his decision, he was not about to just let her go "how are you?" he noticed that her eyes weren't swollen at all.
"Good, much better than I thought I would be." She smiled at him and it was almost as bright as her usual smile.
"That's good to hear," he smiled back at her and they just did that for a while as they walked towards the cafeteria "Do you want to go on a date on Saturday?" he asked her.
He could see that she was shocked but she smiled and said "Sure,"