Head Above Water

Chapter 3

Kim woke up to his mother shaking him awake. Karen was still in her pajamas consisting of an oversized t-shirt and blue flannel pants. She smiled slightly. He had not seen her smile at him for a long time.

"Come on kid, you have to get up" she let out and grabbed his phone. She shook her head and bit down on her lips "If you don't want to talk to people, mute them or block them but don't switch off your phone"

She patted him on the shoulder and he sat up switching on his phone. After he got dressed and went downstairs, he saw no sign of his father and didn't ask cause she would just lie to him anyway.

They drove to school in silence but he caught a glimpse of worry on her face. She would compose herself time and again. Her phone vibrated and she just glanced at it.

"I will be home late tonight" she said and he nodded. It was nothing new to him "I'll get you a pizza for dinner"

He nodded again and got out taking a few deep breaths as he looked up at the school biting what's left of his nail on his index finger. He walked slowly and startled when he felt someone grab his upper arm. He looked at Roche smiling up at him. He could almost smell her strawberry lipsgloss but had no desire to taste it but if  she was to lift herself up on her toes he would meet her halfway. Before he had time to reconsider she had already pressed a kiss on his lips and he had already tasted her sweet lipsgloss.

"You didn't reply last night" she said "I called you and your phone was off"

He looked straight ahead as they walked slowly keeping at her pace as her arm curled around his like she used to. He realized he always did things at her pace. He went to the parties she wanted to go to. He kissed at made love to her when she wanted to and at the pace she wanted to. She acted like the victim but she never asked what he wanted. She never considered him. That was not how couples should act. He paused and shrugged his arm lose taking her by surprise. Her eyes widened.

"Why are you with me?" He asked what he should have a few months ago.

She looked around who was watching and crossed her arms.

"What do you mean? You are my boyfriend and I love you" she said matter of factly. The three words escaped so easy from her mouth, he wondered if she even knew what they meant. Her bottom lip quivered and that made him nod his head. He let her curl her arm around his again as they walked down the halls.

He pretended to keep his head held high as he could feel eyes glaring at him. The eyes that felt sorry for them, that thought he was so lucky to have such a supportive girlfriend and Roche thrived on that. She lived for the attention of being admired. She lived for being popular and liked.

Suddenly he had a brief thought of their first encounter. Her parents just moved from country and on her first day she already caught attention. There was no doubt she was gorgeous and he did not think he would end up with her until she showed up at a soccer match. His fellow players all hinted that she was looking at him and when he did look at the crowd she was smiling broadly. She wasn't popular yet, she wasn't a cheerleader yet and maybe that is why he fell for her. She was just a pretty nice girl then.

During recess Kim found himself back in his old now uncomfortable zone. He was sitting at the table with his jock friends and his popular girlfriend stroking his upper thigh and he wondered if that was all he had to look forward to, lunch with people he had nothing in common. He heard them speaking but he couldn't hear the words and he felt suffocating like he was losing air. His chest felt tight like he was squeezed by a giant hand and he started breathing through his mouth until he got up.

"I have to go to the toilet" he lied as he looked at Roche's wide questioning eyes. As soon as he was out of sight he ran down the halls towards the parking lot where no one would see him losing it.