Head Above Water

Chapter 1

Kim Young sat a little longer in the car than usual. He sucked in his breath for the hundredth time and drew his fingers through his thick straight black hair compliments of his mother's Asian heritage. He bit down on his nails.

"You okay?" His mother asked while applying her make up. Karen Young then tapped her fingers on steering wheel, a sign he should get out but he tested the waters anyway.

"No" he replied.

"Okay" she answered back as she scrolled through messages on her phone. She tapped his upper thigh and he got out begrudgingly.

The moment he looked up, he could feel eyes staring at him, glazing. It got worse when he entered the school halls. He could hear the whispering and his name escaping from everyone's mouth. He took a few deep breaths deciding to keep his head held high but when he saw her, he paused.

Roche Denger looked up at him and paused. Her white complexion stood out in the crowd thanks to her long blonde hair. Even though she was German origin, she did not speak the language nor did he speak his heritage language. Her perfect lips quivering and her eyes were puffy but that was all she did, his girlfriend, look at him as she was comforted by her friends. He nodded as he passed her and she just glared at him with wide eyes.

Kim went to office as instructed by his mother the day before. He knocked on the counsellor's door.

"Come in" she called from the other side and he opened the door. She composed herself when she saw him and plastered a fake smile on her lips as she slipped a romance novel in her drawer. She pushed back her glasses and pointed at a chair on the other side of her desk.

"Please, sit down"

He did as she instructed.

"How are you feeling?"

He shrugged

"Okay" he lied.

"I'm going to have to ask you to empty your backpack"

He did so showing her his books and his pencil case, yet she still asked.

"Any medication?"

He shook his head

"Not on me but at home"

"Anti depressants" she replied as she nodded like a kid knowing the answer to a tough question.

Kim snorted in his mind and shook his head once.Of cause his mother reported everything.

"My door is open if you want to talk"  the councellor said but her eyes widened in contrast with her words and she crossed her arms over her chest. He nodded anyway and left. The moment he stepped into his first class all eyes were on him and everyone stopped what they were doing. His seat next to Roche was open but she looked the other way and he took a seat in the back corner of the class.

Recess was the worst. He couldn't sit with his jock friends as they barely looked at him, he couldn't sit with Roche as she was surrounded by her posse of friends comforting her. He glanced at the picture feeling his heart beating faster so he took his bag and walked towards the parking lot and ended up sitting on the pavement. He spotted Erin in her beat up car. She had her eyes closed, her earphones in her ear and nodded her head to  music as she puffed away on a cigarette.

They went to the same primary school and she changed over the years, dyed her light brown hair black and chopped them all off making her look like a boy. On weekends when she was seen she dressed in oversized black clothes. She was what kids referred to as bad news, a broken kid. But broken kids don't all look the same.

As if she sensed him looking at her she opened her eyes and stared him down. She rolled down her window and puffed outside.

"What are you looking at, suicide boy?"

Kim bit down on his lips. It was the name she called him, suicide boy, that was how he was branded. His heart sank in his shoes and his eyes darted around to see if anyone heard that. Then he got up, his first instinct was to go home, leave that very moment but he would still have to come to school again the next day and the day after that. He could let everyone call him that or he could react. He looked up at Erin.

"Fuck you, lesbian"

She was taken aback and chocked on the smoke she inhaled in her already damaged lungs.