Head Above Water

Chapter 12

Roche had texted Kim once during the weekend and he didn't reply. He didn't call her back and somewhere along the line he wondered why they were together in the first place.

On Monday Kim found himself taking a deep breath again after he got out of the car. Down the hall the boys surrounded him.

"What the hell, Young?" Chad let out "You just dissapeared like that and I lost beer pong"

Kim smiled and shrugged himself lose. He glanced at Roche who looked away immediately.

At recess she curled her arm around him smiling as they walked over to their friends. Kim listened and he could not hear, tension began to rise in his chest and he found himself rushing to the parking lot. Roche rushed after him and put her arm on his shoulder.

"What the hell?" She was taken aback by his attempt searching for air. Erin ran through the parking lot. She encouraged him to sit down and she talked calmly telling him to breathe slowly in and out. Roche froze watching the picture unfold before her eyes and how Erin put her arms around her boyfriend and how her boyfriend responded and eventually calmed down. Afterwards Erin got up and was about to reach out when Roche stepped in front of her and helped Kim up. She sent Erin a cold glare that made her retreat back to the parking lot. Roche cupped Kim's face in her hands.

"What the hell was that?"

She had her eyebrows twisted and then folded her arms.

"Erin, she helped me before-"

"She knows you have anxiety attacks?" Roche interrupted "Didn't you think it was something your girlfriend should know?"

He was taken aback but then matched her tone.

"Oh, don't pretend to care, it's just you and me here"

"What do you mean?"

"I heard you, Roche. I heard you when I was laying in the hospital bed wanting to die. I heard what you said about how selfish you thought I was. I am so sick and tired of all this pretending. I mean why the hell are you with me anyway? Why do you love me like you claim all the time when you know shit about me?"

"I know you, what do you mean?"

"Do you? Did you know that my mother and I never spend time together before, that she never came to any of my games before or my father couldn't wait to leave us and be with mistress? I haven't seen him or heard from him since I got home"

She bit her bottom lip.

"Thats what I thought" he added

"What about me, what do you know about me?" She cut back.

"I know you would do anything to please your parents sometimes at your own expense and because you want to be loved and adored by everyone else and be popular. You pretend to be something you are not and you never open up. You never told me your dreams, hopes and fears."

"Fuck you Kim! You don't know shit about me and maybe you don't deserve to!"

"Maybe we don't deserve this"

"No" she shook her head "You don't get to break up with me because I am breaking up with you"

"Fine" he shrugged "So be it"

She bit her lips as she watched him walk off and out of her life. She let out a sob and cursed the air.