Head Above Water

Chapter 17

Kim got up early the next morning. He concocted his grandfather's hangover salad of onion, tomatoes and lots of pepper, salt and vinegar.

Then he made scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.

Karen held her head in both hands as she dragged herself into the kitchen and sat down at the counter.

"I should take you to school" she mumbled

Kim chuckled

"It's Saturday" he replied.

She chuckled and her smile dissapeared when he placed the salad in front of her. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered her father

"I came home drunk early one morning" she said "And my dad concocted this salad which miraculously worked. Of cause I was still punished by working outside in the blazing heat but I took it." She giggled at the story and placed a spoon full of salad in her mouth distorting her face to the sour taste of vinegar.

Kim put down a cup of coffe and two aprons in front of her followed by a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon and generously buttered toast. He took his seat opposite her and began eating his breakfast.

"I'm supposed to do this" she said dissapointed as she stuck her fork to pick up the eggs. Kim shrugged.

"I can make eggs now and then"

Karen covered her face with her hands.

"I'm such a mess" she let out

"So am I" he replied.

She sobbed again and took her hand away from her face covering it with his own.

"Mom, it's okay to not be okay sometimes. You don't have to be so strong all the time"

She bit down on her lips and sighed deeply.

"Your father filed for a divorce" she said dissapointed like she was the reason.

"You didn't fail, Mom. He failed us but we still have each other"

She nodded in agreement and when she looked at him she looked bewildered and amazed.

"When did you become so beautiful and smart?" She smiled when she said that making him blush.

"Why?" She asked, her smile fading "Why did you want to die?"

Kim cleared his throat. He expected the conversation one way or another in fact he was going to tell her soon anyway. He needed to let her know that it was never her fault.

"You didn't fail me, mom" he began "I failed me and I was so ashamed I couldn't open my eyes to see you dissapointed in me in hospital"

Kim told his mother everything about how lost he felt and how he felt like he was drowning and there was no one to save him because no one seemed to notice him. He told her about his panic attacks which took her by surprise and made her cry even more.

In return she told him how Ken threatened her with a divorce all along, how he felt she trapped him when he was the one who begged her to marry him.

By the afternoon Karen Young signed the divorce papers without hesitation. She called Ken's lawyer to pick up the papers giving clear instructions for Ken to collect his belongings when she and her son would not be at home and have the key dropped off at her office. As painful as the ordeal was it was liberating at the same time. No more arguing, no more hiding and avoiding going home by working overtime, no more shedding tears over someone who would not do the same.

THE END