Head Above Water

Chapter 14

Roche ignored Kim the next day at school. She surrounded herself with her girlfriends and only glanced coldly at Kim when he was around.  Kim spend recess in the parking lot staring at the empty space Erin parked. She was off sick and wished he could just skip school for that day.

His mother seemed off and upset when she picked him up and at home she busted herself in the kitchen until she dropped her casserole on the floor. She grabbed a glass and smashed it on the floor next to the casserole.

"FUCK!"  She let out. Kim hurried in the kitchen and paused. She looked up at him and sobbed.

"I can't even cook a decent dinner" she chuckled dissapointed. Then she glanced at him with his backpack over one shoulder.

"We have soccer finals tonight" he explained and she nodded. Then she reached for her purse and pulled out a few dollars. She stuffed it in his hand.

"Get a pizza or something to eat"

He nodded and opened his mouth but she turned around and retrieved a bottle of red wine from the cupboard. She poured a wine glass half full and took a huge sip. He wanted to invite her along but she was clearly upset so he left.

Kim sucked in his breath as he jogged out on the field. He glanced at Roche but she met his eyes briefly and focused on her routine. What else did he expect breaking up with her? Of cause she wouldn't smile or wink at him like she used to.

He tried his best to concentrate on the game but every time his eyes dwelled to Roche hoping for a smile and his mind drifted off to his mother. He knew it had something to do with his father. She never said it but maybe their marriage was his fault if only he hadn't attempted suicide,if only he succeeded. It must have taken all her effort to look at him and smile and not hate him for being born. It must have taken all Roche's effort to look at him and still be with a pathetic loser like him. No one wanted him in their lives anyway. No one really cared like his father who was supposed to be his role model.

All through the game coach kept calling his name breaking his thoughts and his heart kept beating faster. He felt dizzy and nauseous and would pause with his hands on his knees swallowing bile. He hadn't eaten so there was nothing to throw up.

He kept missing passes and everyone was yelling at him to get a grip, to defend. He missed a clear goal and that's when he heard the crowd booing. His bewildered eyes met Roche's and she bit down on her lips. And suddenly he thought he would not get over seeing her in the arms of someone else.  The end whistle came as a blessing and Kim was wheezing.

They lost terribly and he caught a glimpse at the coach swearing as he kicked a water bottle. It was all his fault. He startled when he was slapped behind the shoulderblades and glanced at Chad's infuriated face.