room 207 | shyland ✓

twenty

ryland's pov

"haven't you heard? dawson's been fucking austin adams' little brother."

i recoiled back into my black, oversized hoodie and kept my head ducked down, closing my eyes as though somewhere within my completely warped mindset i believed that if i couldn't see the owners of the voices, i wouldn't hear them either. i embodied a naive child who, when playing hide and seek, used the futile tactic of obscuring their vision with their tiny, sticky palms as they crouched under the living room table.

last friday still does not seem real, despite forty eight ours having passed since then. it was monday morning and i'd swallowed my pride at 6am, dragging myself out of my room dressed in the first pair of skinny jeans i could find along with the charcoal grey beanie shane had let me borrow all those weeks ago. the smell of mints and the odd cigarette stuck needles in my skin.

walking into school was quite possibly one of the worst feelings i'd ever experienced in my whole life. everyone - and i mean everyone turned to look at me, at first going silent until whispers arose and nausea swept through me. i wasn't even surprised that the whole school knew. my parents had confiscated all of my privileges, along with my television, phone, laptop and any other device you can think of; not for being with shane, although of course they were mad about that, but more for sneaking out that night and so many times prior.

a quick run down of that night still felt eons long to me. after my little outburst, shane had been driven home by my dad and austin was sent to his room, leaving my mother and i alone at the kitchen table. neither of us knew what to say, and when she met my glossy eyes with this mixture of disappointment and confusion and sympathy, i simply broke down into tears again.

"i feel like i don't know who you are anymore." she had said, making my cries grow heavier because there was a reason for that, and i think maybe even she knew what it was. if she spent less time obsessing over my brother and ensuring that he kept up his scholarship rights, or less time guaranteeing that morgan would arrive to cheer on time and not miss the school bus, then perhaps she might have the faintest clue as to what kind of person her son really was.

when i woke up the next morning and begrudgingly trudged into the kitchen, i saw austin tapping away on his phone and i turned to my parents with ludicrous eyes. how was it possible that my brother had beaten and bruised shane within an inch of his life, yet he had gotten away scott free? i had scoffed and rolled my eyes, treading heavily as i made my way back up to my room without a single morsel of food and ignoring my mom's pleas of 'we need to talk'.

i pretty much camped out in my room until this morning, refusing to come down for dinner and only setting foot out my door to dash to the toilet or shower. late saturday night i had crept downstairs and grabbed as much food and water as i could, feeling as stubborn as ever until i was stopped in my tracks by a small, bright and flashing red light. it took all the little energy left within me not to let out a laugh of shock when i realised that it was an electric lock on the door to stop me from leaving again.

"ryland!" a voice exclaimed quietly and i looked up to meet garrett's concerned eyes. he pulled me over to the side of the hallway and we began walking towards the cafeteria. i stayed silent, and garrett chewed his lip nervously. "you– are you okay? i read austin's tweets."

i ran my tongue over my teeth before blinking slowly, feeling numb. so that must be how everyone knew. i didn't really care anymore. nothing mattered, everything was screwed up and there was no going back from this.

"so... you and shane really...?" he trailed off, averting his gaze away from andrew, who was waving shyly at us.

"yeah." i whispered under my breath, swallowing the lump in my throat and trying my hardest not to let my tears resurface. "we are. well, we were. i don't know."