Boy Meets D.Evil

FINAL

Word count: 8678

How come after all this time I'm still in love with the Moon? It never ceases to amaze me. I love waking up in the middle of the night, I get to admire its beauty. Moon is the only thing that's always going to be here when I open my eyes. Even though Yoongi is right next to me, hugging me tightly, promised he wouldn't leave me... I know that's not the case.

People leave. Whether it was their decision or not. Yoongi is no different, he's going to get fed up with me and eventually leave. Everyone does, I don't think I'm overreacting or being dramatic. It's simply the fact I had to come to terms with. 

The same way the Moon is meant to replace the Sun every night, the same way birds greet us every morning, the same way we wake up and go to work every day... I wasn't meant to wake up another day. No... why am I thinking about this now? I can't help myself. I'm feeling like a liar with each second spent with Yoongi. But there's no painless way to explain that I wasn't meant to be born. Ever. That I'm just going to suffer throughout every day and push myself to the point of no return. It already happened once, why would this time be any different? Perhaps I should go for a walk... 

I tried getting out of bed but Yoongi only pulled me closer and my heart dropped. Even in his sleep, he's holding me close and making sure I stay with him. I don't understand it... what is that? Why does he care so much? Why does he want to be with me? All of that is so unfamiliar and unnatural to me. I can see that he's doing his best in persuading me, I appreciate it but... am I worth it? Am I deserving of his love? Wait, how do I know that he really loves me? What if he's just using me like everyone else? Honestly... that would be more comforting than knowing me being like this can cause him pain

"Yeong?", Yoongi called out my name in a sleepy, raspy whisper and pulled closer to his chest. I tried muffling my crying but seems like it still woke him up

"Are you crying? Did you have another nightmare again?"

"No, I'm just... thinking"

"About what?"

"Nothing important. Sorry, I woke you up, I'll go to sleep now", despite my words, he gently turned me so I could face him. The Moon shone over the side of his face and revealed that he's barely keeping his eyes opened. My hand automatically reached out to touch his cheek and he did the same to mine. Our noses touched and I bit on my lip to refrain from crying

"Talk to me. Whatever it is that's bothering you, I want to help", finally his eyes gleamed under the moonlight. He really means it... he really cares and wants to help me. Why am I doubting him? How could I do this to him?!

"Yeong, please, tell me what's wrong", he wiped away the tears from my face even though they came in streams and I started to sob

"It's been only a few days and I'm already breaking down", I cried in his chest as he held me tightly and whispered words of comfort in my hair. But the voices in my head were stronger.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be loved. 

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be alive. 

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be loved.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be alive.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be loved.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be alive.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be loved.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be alive.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be loved.

I'm a monster and I don't deserve to be alive.

I want to die, I'm only a burden, a damaged product and nothing can fix me. I'm doubting a person that's always been there for me, I'm doubting his words and actions. Not even years of therapy and mountains of pills could help me. Even if they could, what kind of a life is that? When you're simply meant to die what is there for me to do? I'm just a human, I can't fight fate. My body trembled and Yoongi cupped my cheeks before speaking