shattered heart | j.j.k

Apology | 47

Taehyung's POV:

"What do you want?"

"I-I, I want to apologize to her but I don't know where she is.  She won't answer any of my calls or messages either."  His tone was sad and full of regret, and I knew that he was a good person, but Y/N was next to me ushering me to say no.

"Look Jungkook," I said, following her instructions.  "I don't think she's ready yet.  Maybe give her some time and then approach her.  She won't be mad at you for respecting her own privacy."

Every now and then, I glanced at Y/N to make sure what I was saying was correct.

"Are you sure though hyung?  I don't want to make the same mistake I did last time."  I could see Y/N's expression soften when she heard Jungkook answer honestly.

"I'm pretty sure.  If she's not answering your calls or messages, then that's a pretty clear sign that she doesn't want you at her house."

"So, does that mean you're not going to tell me where she is?"

"Umm, yeah, I'm not going to.  Better luck next time."  Then, I ended the call.

"Do you not want his apology right now?" I asked.  It was weird.  These past months, all she wanted was an apology, and now that he's ready to give her one, she's holding back?

"I just- I don't know TaeTae.  I should be happy that he's sorry, and I am.  It's just that even if he means the words he says, it won't take back the pain and the hurt that he created.  I want to see whether or not he changes or is willing to change for me.  It's selfish, I know, but I don't want to forgive him yet."

Picking up a fry, I said, "Hey, that's not selfish.  You're not being selfish for wanting love and affection back."

"Thanks TaeTae, you always know what to say to make me feel better."

Ji Woo's POV: 

I can't believe Jungkook just broke up with me.  I was always the one to dump the other person first, not the other way around!  I loved Jungkook, I actually did.  He was the only person that could make my heart beat faster and make me feel fluttery.

I truly cared about him and seeing him treasure Y/N so much hurt me.  I know I shouldn't have done all those bad things to her but I did them because I was afraid of losing him.  And look where that got me; I did lose him.

'Why is love so complicated?  Why can't I just have the person I like stay with me?'   

I still won't apologize to Y/N though.  Even if it seems like a stupid reason, I have pride and a reputation to uphold.  I don't say sorry.  Especially not to her.  She didn't do anything wrong, but her being around Jungkook was already enough.

I don't regret all the pain and suffering I gave her, the only thing I regret is not doing it more discretely.  The surprising thing was that Jungkook triggered the trap himself.  If he hadn't tripped her, Taehyung wouldn't have spilled the truth.

I should've been more secretive.  No video taping or gossiping, if I had just kept it between us, she would've stayed shut and stayed away from him.

I admit, I sound like I'm crazy.  But everything I did was for Jungkook.  It was for our happy ending.  

Y/N's POV:

"Thanks TaeTae!"  Taehyung had dropped me off at my house after everybody finished eating.  The food was delicious and it brought my mood up.

The whole entire time, my nose was sniffling, but it could just be because of the spicy food we ate.

"Ahhh, home sweet home," I said, snuggling against my pillow.  

There was a reason I didn't answer any of his calls or texts.  My phone was on silent.  It had been on silent ever since the graduation ceremony started in order to not disturb anyone.  However, even if I was able to see all his attempts to reach me, I wouldn't have answered.

Past me probably would have answered right away and forgave him, but I realized that I deserved better.  I'll listen to his voicemails and read his messages, but I won't reply to them.

Jungkook (Missed calls (7))

He only sent me one voicemail, but it was a lengthy one.

"Hey Y/N, I know that I don't deserve to talk to you anymore.  I'm sorry.  I really am.  For everything.  You didn't deserve that.  I should've been a better friend to you.  Instead I pushed you away for someone I didn't even know all that well.  During the times you were hurting or crying because of me, I was never there.  I should've believed you over Ji Woo, but I didn't and for that, I'm sorry.  I can't say sorry enough and I know that you'll never really forgive me, but I just wanted you to know that I regret everything I said or did.  I'm sorry for accusing you of being jealous of our relationship when you were nothing but supportive.  I'm sorry for never being with you during your low times like when you were with me.  I'm sorry for making you go through everything yourself without ever helping you carry the load.  Most importantly, I'm sorry for breaking off the friendship that meant the world to me.  Even if you don't value the bond we once had, I still do.  You mean the world to me.  You light up my world and make me feel special.  I apologize for never making you feel as worthy as you made me feel.  I was always on the receiving end, always the one getting the comfort, the compliments, the one always smiling.  I couldn't even see through the mask you were putting on to save you.  You probably don't want to see me again or talk to me, and I understand that.  I wouldn't want to talk to me either.  But for one last time, can I see you?  To say sorry in person.  I won't show myself in front of you anymore after that.  I just want to show you how sorry I am.  Thank you for everything that you've done for me babygirl."

The tears tugged at my eyes the whole time I heard his voice.  He's sorry.  Really sorry.  A small smile crept across my face as I heard my old nickname.

The way his voice trembled or cracked, the sniffles I heard from the other side, the muffling of his voice.  He was crying.  I could tell he meant what he said.

I still wanted to see him.  It's not like I wanted him to avoid or ignore me.  I just wasn't ready to see him again.  I realized that I deserved better.  After all I've been through, I deserve to leave him on seen and not respond to his calls.  I deserve to ignore him and make him wait.  

After listening to his voicemail, I moved onto reading his messages.

jungkookie97: i'm really sorry Y/N.  you didn't deserve any of the bad things I said or did.  I should've realized that you were always with me and on my side no matter what happened.  I don't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve a guy like me.

jungkookie97: even though you don't want to see me, I want to apologize in person.  I want you to know that i'm being sincere.

jungkookie97: can you meet me at the park near our school? tomorrow at 7pm?

I thought about it for a bit before I came to my conclusion.  No, I'm not going to meet him tomorrow.  I'm going to stand him up.  He'll probably expect me to be there since I read his message, but no.  I'm not going.

Just because I still like him doesn't mean I'm not mad at him.  I'm angry that he didn't believe me.  I'm sad because he chose Ji Woo over me.  I'm disappointed that he threw away our friendship just like that.

What Namjoon said was right.  Before you can love anyone else, you should love yourself first.  If you can't love yourself, how can you love anybody?  For once in my life, I gave myself some self worth.

'Thank you Jungkook.  Thank you for helping me see my own value.'

To be Continued...