shattered heart | j.j.k

I Love You | 63

Important Note: to those who have already read this chapter, don't worry, i'm not reuploading it, i changed some parts of the story so sorry for the inconvenience. the plot is a bit different and more dramatic so if you don't like that sort of stuff, i'm sorry.

Y/N's POV:

"So then tell me," I said weakly.  "Tell me why you did it."

I squeezed his hand gently, sobbing quietly.  My small sniffles and hiccups echoed in the large room.  I cupped his face, my eyes landing on his ever so perfect lips.

"Jungkook," I said softly.  "You mean the world to me.  Your adorable smile and cute personality.  Your funny jokes and charming habits.  Everything about you, it- it makes me happy."

My body started calming down, my hiccups slowly subsided and my tears stayed on my waterline.  I breathed out exhaustedly but cracked a small, sad smile.

Thinking about why I fell in love with this boy made my heart pound against my chest.

"I just, I wish I told you earlier, before you- you passed," I mumbled.

"I forgive you, I forgave you a long time ago, but I was too selfish to tell you.  I thought that if I did, you'd leave my side again."

"I was scared that I wouldn't be with you, smile with you, laugh with you, heck, I feared not being able to drink banana milk with you."

"You mean that much to me.  Every time you were happy, I felt happy.  Every time you felt sad, I felt 10 times worse."

"Even though I never expressed it, I appreciated your company so, so much.  When you bumped into me the first day we met, I never knew that you'd become such a big part of my life."

"What I'm trying to say is-"

After all this time, I still couldn't say it.  I still couldn't say 'I like you.'  

"I-"

"You know what," I said tiredly.  "Here's how I feel."

Despite knowing Jungkook couldn't feel anything, I grabbed both of his hands and pressed them against the fast rhythm of my heart.

"I love you Jeon," I whispered, closing my eyes.  It felt relieving for me to express my feelings, like a burden taken off my heart.  Except this time, my love for him wasn't a burden, it was the greatest thing that happened to me.

I swallowed harshly, pressing my lips together and slowly squeezing his hands.

"I love you," I repeated, eyes still closed.  

Abruptly, the hands I held slipped out of my grasp and wrapped around my thin body.

My eyes widened from shock as I felt a head rest between my neck and shoulder.

A pair of strong hands squeezed my waist and held onto my back.

"Jungkook?" I breathed out.  

'He's alive.  Jungkook is alive.'

"N-No, no, no," I whispered quickly.  "I'm dreaming, this is a dream."  I shook my head several times and pinched my cheeks but I didn't wake up.  From behind me, I could hear his musical chuckles ring out.

"I missed you so much," I heard him say softly.  His warm air brushed against the tips of my right ear sending chills down my body.  

I couldn't believe it.  Jungkook didn't die.  He's still alive.  The car crash didn't kill him.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I started sobbing against his hospital gown.

"Y-you're alive.  You're actually alive," I cried out, tightly wrapping my arms around his neck.  His strong stature held up my trembling body.  "I-I missed you too."

Suddenly, I pulled away, remembering the previous events, distancing myself from Jungkook.  His large eyes looked at me confused.

'I confessed to him.  And he was listening.  He heard everything.'  I know that I said if he was alive I would confess to him, but that was before I knew he was actually alive.  Sometimes things are easier said than done.

The fear soon took control of the happiness I felt and a wave of embarrassment rushed over me.  'He doesn't like you,'  I thought.  'Don't burden him with your feelings.'

"I-I need to tell the others," I hurriedly stuttered out, standing up.  

"N-no, wait-" his arm tried grabbing the sleeve of my gown but I ran away before he could even touch the fabric.

I dashed down the hall and pushed past a bewildered Taehyung waiting on a nearby bench.

'He was in on it.'   I just shook my head and ran up the stairs as fast as I could.  I wasn't upset, just surprised, they probably wanted to pull a harmless prank but I took it seriously.  I skipped up the stairs and hid behind a small grey room on the rooftop.  

'I'm sorry Jungkook.'

To be Continued...

author's note: okay so in case you didn't notice already, i changed the chapter and the plot. i just wasn't happy with the one i wrote and it felt so bland and poorly written. I didn't accurately depict the scene and the emotion during those moments so i decided to change some parts. for those of you who already read the chapter before I made the changes, sorry for the inconvenience. this change is going to make the book one chapter longer so it doesn't change that much tbh but i hope you guys still enjoy it! 

- jiminiechimchimjams