Reminiscing. Reflecting. Thinking of "I should have's" late at night. Kung sa tingin niyo madami ang "what ifs", mas madami ang "I should have". Dapat ginawa ko 'to. Dapat pinangiti kita. Dapat pinasaya kita. I should have done the things I could to possibly make you smile even for a while.
Pero iba ang nangyari.
I thought of negative things. Nung umiiyak ka dahil sa mga nalaman mo, I thought you wanted to be alone and needed time for yourself kaya hindi ako lumapit. Kaya hindi ko hinawakan ang kamay mo at naki-iyak kasama mo. I was the reason for those tears, shouldn't I be responsible in stopping it? I am a pessimist. A negative thinker.
I was insecure. I was depressed and disappointed of myself. I was also scared of the fact that you might leave so I considered everything that needed to be considered.
Nung hindi tayo nag-uusap, I should have been more talkative. Nung insecure ako sa sarili ko, I should have been confident. Confident kahit hindi sa sarili ko, but to our love. I was scared, therefore I had doubts. Nung may problema ako at nananahimik, I should have shared it all with you.
'Cause at the end of the day, everyday after 2 years and counting...I was still thinking of "should have's" in our past relationship.
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Vent hole
RandomA vent hole for someone like me with critical personal issues topped with anxiety cream and depression sprinkles. "Random thoughts in life" was a mistake of a title. Everything started from me falling in love and hurting myself really really bad, fa...
