My Soul Will Find Yours : The Fulfillment of the Promise

You Are Enough, You Matter

"Why are you acting like an insecure lover, Kaname?" I asked Kaname the moment the car doors in the front closed.

"I'm not an insecure lover," he answered as soon as I finished.

"What do you call your actions just now then?" Knowing that fighting his anger with frustration won't do the both of us any good, I purposely softened my tone.

"What? I was being my usual self," he sounded so innocent he could win an Oscar for Best Actor.

Right, your usual immature and jealous self, I almost wanted to say. "Marina is gay," I repeated what I told him earlier instead. "Do you remember the photo I have with Charles in the living room? He was the one responsible for my look then. He did my hair, makeup, and even chose the dress I was wearing for me."

He ran his hair through his fingers and looked away.

"Anata," I cupped his face and made him look at me again. "If I ever made you feel uncertain about my feelings for you, forgive me. I never meant to do so."

We looked in each other's eyes, gauging the emotion of the other. Because he knew me well, I was certain he saw the sincerity reflected in my eyes. The frostiness in his slowly disappeared and his facial expression relaxed.

"You were looking at him in awe," he said, his tone both accusatory and reprimanding.

"It was the first time I saw him in menswear, that's why," I explained. "It was never because I was attracted to him. I was in awe because Nathaniel looked like a different person. Not only that, he sounded different too. I was so used to hearing him talking in falsetto that his deep voice caught me off guard."

"Really?" he asked, still unsure.

"Yes," I said, letting go of him to make the cross-my-heart gesture. "Really."

He rubbed his face harshly in self-deprecation. "Hina, can I be very honest with you?"

"Of course..."

He murmured something to himself, licked his lips, and confessed, "I know you love me, mahal, but... But when I saw how you looked at Nathaniel, I nearly lost it."

"Anata..."

"I'm sorry for acting the way I did," he took one of my hands and placed it back on his cheek. "To say that I'm confident you won't find someone better than me is one thing, but witnessing you staring at another male in admiration is another."

"Hey..."

"I'm selfish and I get easily jealous. But it's not because I don't believe you love me and only me... Honestly it's because I'm afraid that you might get snatched away. I'm not the most powerful man in this era, Hina. I wish I still was but I'm not. I no longer have the capability to give you the world. Here, I am nothing but a mere husband who relies heavily on his wife and son to live—"

I didn't let him finish what he was saying because it hurt hearing about my proud shogun's insecurities. Silencing him with my lips, I communicated my understanding and love for him. It took him a while to return my kiss but when he did, I almost drowned in his response. His kiss was apologetic, frustrated, yet full of love.

"Anata, not here," I said when his fingers began unbuttoning the front of my dress while his mouth explored my neck.

His hands behaved but his kisses continued. His mouth and tongue returned to mine, begging me to reconsider. Just when I was about to go back on my word, his phone rang. It distracted us both, giving me a quick second to clear my head. I gently pushed him away to break our passionate exchange. His phone rang again and, as I was still catching my breath, he answered it.

"Riku... Yes, we're still in the car... Fighting? Your mother and I are not fighting... Of course not... A friend? I'll tell your mother... Alright... We'll be there in a bit... Yes, we found her wallet... Alright... Bye."

Kaname pocketed his phone then looked outside with a look that made him seem like he was lost in his thoughts. Copying him, I stared in the direction of the restaurant's brightly lit entrance.

"When we had our first serious fight, I told you that I believed that you'll be the first person to guard my heart," I spoke as if I was recalling a beautiful memory, which in a way I was. "But you broke my heart then. Well, not just my heart but my trust as well. However, you worked hard to mend them. You annoyed me like crazy, never left my side even when I said I didn't want to see you, kissed me in front of everyone in the ooku, and let me enjoy my first snowfall because it's what I wanted. Bringing me to Gunma was the cherry on top and our love became stronger than ever. We had children, had several undercover adventures together, then got married years later.

"During those times, I think you can count the number of instances I asked for something with just one of your hands. I was a pampered and cherished wife who never had to concoct plans just to get what she wanted. Why? Because you gave what you thought would make me happy without my having to ask for it.

"Anata, have you forgotten? I never cared for material things. Out of all the things you have showered me during our marriage, my most prized possessions are our children, our memories together, and of course our love. All of the money and luxuries in that world as well as in this one don't matter if you're not around.

"In my world, we have only been separated by mere weeks and yet there I was wasting away," my voice thickened as I recalled how living without him and our children broke me to a million pieces. "I was like a ship without sail. I only lived just for the sake of living. Without you, I had no purpose.

"You complete me, anata. I don't know when it started but I built my world around you... So whenever you feel like you're insignificant and worthless, I feel hurt... It makes me question my ability to show you how much you mean to me. Thoughts like, have I not loved him enough and am I such a useless wife make me second guess my role in this marriage.

"I don't need a house as huge as the Kirishima estate. I don't need maids to wait for me. I don't need thousands of people bowing their heads in respect whenever I pass by... I only need you, Kaname. To see you when I wake up each and every morning is a gift I didn't think could be real. I am whole again because of you. You are enough, you matter. Please, grasp that."