perfectly wrong | ethma

eight

emma

"ethan, stop!" i yell out for him. "wait!"

he continues walking as if he can't hear me. i jog a little to attempt to catch up to him.

i'm definitely still very drunk, so it's hard to try to keep up with him.

i'm out of breath by the time i manage to get up by him. "can you stop walking for a second and talk to me?"

"i don't feel like talking," he says as he continues to walk.

"ethan, you're going to have to talk to me. it's not good to keep this all balled up." i continue walking beside him. "you'll become constipated if you ball it all up inside," i attempt to joke.

he ignores my joke— not even a small smile. he continues walking and i stop.

"ethan, i'm really drunk right now and i can't keep up with you right now!" i whine.

he stops walking all the sudden which catches me off guard. he walks back towards me.

"i don't know what you want me to say," he says. "you keep acting like you're my friend."

i was taken back by that comment. we have been together almost every hour of every day for the past couple of weeks. how could we not be friends?

"i am your friend, ethan. and i care about you." i tell him.

"i don't want to have you as my friend," he gets close to my face.

i back up a bit, but he doesn't notice. "you don't mean that," i shake my head. "you're upset."

"leave me alone," he says and begins walking again.

i stand there frozen for a second, but i snap
out of it quickly.

"you know what?" i say walking after him. "no, you don't get to walk away from me like that."

i grab his shoulder and turn him around.

"you don't get to walk away," i tell him.

both of our chest are rising up and down quickly. our eyes stare into each other and for a moment, everything seems okay.

"i'm here," i tell him.

i wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in for a hug.

"i'm here," i say again.

i'll say it as many times as he needs to hear it to realize it's true. i'm not going anywhere and he can't make me. he's not allowed to just walk away.

i pull away from the hug and i close my eyes. i open them and he's staring at me. there he goes, making me feel like i'm the only one who matters.

he begins to lean in. my heart races and my stomach turns. he gets closer and closer, but stops right before our lips touch.

"probably not a good idea, huh?" he asks in almost a whisper.

i stay close to him, my eyes looking into his.

"probably not," i reply.

i swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. i begin to slowly back away, but he holds me right against him.

"oh, fuck it." he says and presses his lips to mine.

every single nerve in my body felt this kiss. my body was in flames. i press my hand on the back of his neck to deepen the kiss and he holds my waist even tighter than before.

i pull away and pry myself out of his grip. i have my back faced to him as i touch my lips.

"we can't," i say.