perfectly wrong | ethma

fourteen

ethan smiles at me when i walk into chemistry. i neglect to make eye contact with him as i sit down across from josh.

we don't say a word to one another. i think he's getting the vibe from me, but i haven't even decided if i should be upset. i mean, ethan and i weren't officially together at that moment.

"em-"

"i'm trying to listen," i cut him off as i write down notes.

"got it," he whispers and goes back to his notes.

"are you guys fighting?" josh asks bluntly.

"not sure. are we, emma?" ethan looks at me. now he has an attitude. i'm sure i gave it to him.

"not sure. did you sleep with jen?" i snap back. his eyes widen and he opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

i take a deep breath and go back to my notes. i fight back my tears as i keep writing what the teacher was putting on the board. i couldn't help but be upset. even before ethan and i were dating, i thought we had something- maybe.

"what the fuck, ethan?" i hear josh say quietly to him. "she doesn't deserve that."

i couldn't help but smile just a bit. even after all these years, the josh i knew from middle school was still there. the one who always wanted what was best for me, the one who protected me, the one who would always defended me.

"you don't know the story, josh. shut the fuck up," ethan snaps back at josh.

the bell rings and ethan quickly leaves the room. i watch him exit as i pack up my things.

"thanks," i say to josh as he gets up.

"huh?" he stops walking.

"for saying what you said to ethan. thanks," i say to him. "glad the joshy i knew in middle school is still in there." i tease.

josh laugh slightly. "no problem," he starts walking out the door, but i stop him.

"josh?" i call out. "you know what happened, don't you?"

he shrugs. "i think you should talk to him about it,"

i nod my head slowly. as soon as i exit the class, ethan is there. i'm startled by his presence, but that quickly changes to annoyed.

"let's talk," he says. "please, emma."

"fine. when?" i ask.

"after school. meet at my car," he pleads.

"okay," i sigh.

"okay." he replies.

—

i was waiting by ethans car. he walks towards me and the tension grew a thousand sizes.

"how was your day?" he asks as he approaches me. he unlocks his car as he asks.

i open my own door and get in the car. he gets in on the other side.

"what was meaningless between you and jen?" i ask as soon as he gets in.

"what?" he acts like he doesn't know what i'm talking about.

"when the entire school thought you were together, you told me that it was meaningless, whatever you did. do i even want to know?" i ramble.

"i don't know, do you?" he asks. it's like he's making sure that i'm sure i know what i'm getting myself in to. to be honest, i have no clue what box i'm about to open or how it's going to affect us.

but i need to know.

"yes," i say before i change my mind.

he nods. "just listen carefully, okay?"

"it's a yes or no question, ethan. did you have sex with jen?" i press impatiently.

"i almost did," he admits.

i'm sick to my stomach. my heart felt as if it wasn't beating anymore.

"you- i'm sorry, you almost did?" i choke on my own words. "you do realize that was a night before you said you wanted me. can you even begin to imagine how i feel?"

he shakes his head. "no," he says quietly. "i can't. i'm sorry."

"you said you wanted me, ethan. how am i supposed to believe that when you're off almost having sex with jen?" i yell. "whatever the fuck that means."

"do you want to know how far we went?" he asks carefully.

"i can't take it, ethan. i really can't." i sigh. "i don't need your wonderful night in details."

"i imagine your mind is making up much more explicit details than what actually happened," he tells me. "we made out on a bed, shirts off, and then i stopped it. that's it."

i shake my head. "you've been playing with me this whole time," i open the door to get out. ethans hand grabs my arm to try to pull me back in.

"em," he says seriously. "please."

"hey," tears fall from my eyes. "i'm the stupid one for even believing you in the first place." i snatch my arm away.

i'm an idiot. how does he go from nearly having sex with jen to telling me he wants me and only me? it doesn't make any sense.

"emma!" his voice echos in the air. i keep walking. "i'm going to keep chasing you and cause a major scene!"

i stop dead in my tracks and turn around. he nearly runs into me, but stops just in time.

"let me explain a little more," he runs his hand through his hair. "please, emma. i'm begging here knowing that everyone around us is listening."

"i should've have listened to myself. i will always be a backup to you, ethan. i will always come second to jen." i tell him. anger and sadness consumes my entire body at once.

"no, emma. you really don't get it, do you?"

that must be his line.

"just leave me alone," i say as i turn away from him. i leave him in front of all those people.

someone is standing at my car when i get there.

it's grayson.

"hey emma," he says with a sympathetic smile. "i kinda need my best friend right now." he eyes well up with tears.

"gray?" i come closer to see tears rolling down his face. i pull him in for a hug and i let him cry it out. "what happened?"

"i think jen and i are over," he says. "for good."

"aw gray," i hug him tighter. "i think ethan and i are too."

"how'd our life get so twisted?" he says as he pulls away. "i remember like it was yesterday that we were competing over who's imaginary friend was better, now it's like this. how?"

i chuckle. "i never let go of my middle school crush, so it makes perfect sense."

"and i fell for my brothers girl," he says. "we're both clowns."

i laugh loudly. "no lies detected,"