perfectly wrong | ethma

nineteen

the sun peers in from behind the curtains in ethans bedroom. his arm is still wrapped around me, i carefully pull his hand away from my waist so i can move. he groans and adjusts his body a little.

i walk down the stairs and i see ethans mom drinking coffee alone. i'm scared she'll see me and be upset, so i back away.

"emma!" she spots me. her eyes are drained of any life and her skin looks pale. her hair is a mess and her clothes are baggy. "good morning, dear. coffee?"

i nod my head and walk down the stairs a bit.

"i'm not sure if this is okay," i say as i take the mug from her hand. i sit across from her at the table.

"i didn't poison the coffee." she jokes.

"i mean," i take in a deep breath. "i mean me being here all night, i didn't mean to overstep or disrespect you or sean-" i stop speaking. her body tenses. she nods slowly and takes a long drink of her coffee.

after a long moment of silence, i speak up. "i'm so sorry, lisa. it's not fair." i tell her. i reach out to grab her hand. i give it a squeeze. "i'm here for all of you no matter what."

she nods. tears in her eyes. "you really proved that last night with gray," she says. "thank you for that."

"you're family," tears fill my eyes. "family takes care of one another."

she gives me a small smile as tears fall down her face. "there's so much i need to do. i have to plan the entire funeral, i don't know where to have it or what i'm supposed to do. what do i do? am i supposed to spend so much money?"

"lisa," i snap her out of it. "i'd really like to help you with everything i can. you shouldn't have to stress about anything like this. i'm here. i'm sure my parents wouldn't mind helping either."

she nods. "okay," she wipes her tears. "that would be nice. thank you, em."

i smile. "i'll give them a call right now."

i go back upstairs to grab my phone from the charger beside his bed. ethan is just waking up from his sleep.

"morning sleepy," i give him a kind smile. i flop on the bed next to him. i grab my phone from the table and call my mom first.

"hello? is everything okay emma? are the boys okay?" she asks.

"hi mom," i greet. i look at ethan and how drained he looks. he shouldn't have to hear this all over again. i exit into the hallway. "sean died last night."

"how? what happened?" she asks. "poor lisa, poor boys."

"i told lisa we'd help with whatever she needs. i just wanted to let you know." i tell her.

"okay, thank you. i'm going to bake some things for her now and then i'll be over."

"sounds good," i say. "and mom?"

"yes?"

"i might have to be here for a while. they need me." i tell her.

"now more than ever," she understands. "i'll see you in a bit. love you, emma."

"love you too, mom. bye!" i hang up the phone. i turn around to see grayson exiting his room holding onto his head.

his eyes widen as his eyes looks down to my hand. he opens to say something. "em," but that's all that comes out.

i stand there not knowing what to say exactly. the only thing i say is, "it's okay, i'm here." i wrap my arms around him. his arms grab me and i feel him start to cry.

"i'm so sorry," he says. "i'm so so sorry."

"it's okay shh," i hush him. "i love you, gray. i'm here no matter what."

he cries more as we stay her embraced in the hallway. "i don't deserve you, em."

"we're family. of course you do," i hug him tighter.

i hear his door open again and jen stand there in the doorway. grayson and i separate from one another.

"oh, sorry to interrupt." she says. "i just need the bathroom." she walks past and closes the bathroom door behind her.

"did you guys talk?" i ask.

he nods. "it felt good to talk, but i still don't know how to feel."

"how you feel about her?" i ask for clarification.

"no," he says. "i know exactly how i feel about her." he smiles shyly and lowers his head to the ground.

"i love her," he sighs. "no matter what she does, i can't deny that i love her."

i nod my head with a smile on my face as well. "it's your choice, but do you want to know what i think?"

"do i have a choice?" he jokes.

nope.

"i think this is the real thing for the both of you. she hasn't felt this kind of love before. it can be scary, especially with the life she's had growing up." i tell him. "so, go get her before it's too late."

i hear ethans door open. ethan stands there, messy hair and no shirt. he looks tired.

i stand in between them as they stare at one another. ethan looks a bit upset as he looks at grayson. he's probably upset about last night, he should be a little upset but right now they need one another.

"ethan," grayson says quietly. "i'm sorry about last night, i didn't..." he trails off. "i didn't know how to feel or how to cope."

ethan stands there silently. "you put her in danger."

grayson glances at me quickly. "you know i'd never do that," he says. "not purposely."

"ethan," i stand near him. he doesn't even look at me. "e, listen." my hand touches his face and he softens as he looks down at me. "i'm here and i'm okay. i chose to pick up the glass."

he doesn't say anything. his eyes search my face and he breaths heavily.

"you need each other. please don't be mad at him." i say in almost a whisper.

he closes his eyes, sighs, and nods his head. "okay,"

i wrap my arms around him in a gentle hug. "i'm going to stay here until everything gets figured out."

he pulls back away from me. "you don't need to do that."

"but i want to."

i can feel ethan trying to distance himself away from me; push me away. he gets tense as he looks at me not moving away from him. i stay in my place and i'll stay here until he realizes that i'm here and i'm not leaving him.

"i'm not leaving, e." i step closer to him. i grab his hand and wrap it in mine. "i'm here." i whisper.

i hug his torso and his arms, by instinct, wrap around my body. his fingers rub my back lightly and the feeling makes me melt away.

i can only hope ethan feels even half as safe with me as i do with him. it's refreshing being in his arms after all these years or pining for him and basically loving him.

"i love you," i mumble in his chest quietly enough that he couldn't hear. it may seem pointless to say if he couldn't hear me, but i just had to get it out of my system. "ethan dolan."

"did you say something?" he asks as his chin rests on the top of my head.

i shook my head, still holding onto him. "nope,"