perfectly wrong | ethma

sixteen

"congratulations, emma!" my first block teacher says as i enter the room. "you know, i was on the homecoming court my senior year too! oh, my mom was so proud because when-"

i tune her out. i've been so caught up in the ethan drama that i haven't even told my parents the news. it has no true importance. so what that i'm on the homecoming court? is that going to help me get a job or get into a good college? no.

even though part of me thought that, it was kind of cool to be nominated. it made me feel special and loved. i've been so focused on ethan and all the drama that comes along, that i haven't been able to be happy for myself.

grayson comes in wearing his spirit day outfit. he looks good. he was wearing a letterman jacket and had his hair slicked back. a strand of hair was loose and flopped onto his forehead.

jen walks in after him, she seemed out of breath as if she was trying to keep up with grayson. she wore high waisted pants and a polka dot shirt, a leather jacket covered her shoulders so she wouldn't get dress coded.

"grayson, i wasn't done talking!" she says just loud enough for everyone in class to hear.

"i was," grayson says and takes a seat next to me. he turns to me and tunes her out. "you look nice. congrats on homecoming court!"

i smile lightly. "thanks, you too."

"yeah, emma, you look great. you really do." she mutters. she has a soft, awkward smile on her face.

i nod my head slightly. grayson walks in a different direction. i don't really want to talk to her either. she hurt grayson.

"can we talk?" she asks me. "i really want to explain things here."

i groan. "jen, just choose one of them i don't care." i said it a little snappier than i intended, but it needed to be said.

she was shocked, hurt. "i.." she starts her sentence. "i only want grayson."

grayson closes his head as he lays his head in between his hands. he tugs at his hair as he listens to his words.

"but you tried to have sex with his brother? how does that make sense? don't you understand how many people are hurt by one night?" i throw all these questions in her face.

"emma, i know i hurt you with what ethan and i almost did that night and i'm sorry. but, you can't pin this all on me." she stands up for herself.

i laugh lightly. "you think i'm still all lovey dovey with ethan? please. i blame him a lot more than i blame you."

she nods slowly. "but emma, you have to believe me when i say i only want grayson. i was scared and lonely because grayson and i had gotten into this huge fight. he told me he loves me."

i wait for her to tell me the problem, but she says nothing. "what's the problem?"

"he loves me, emma." she says again. and i realize that love is the problem. some say love is the answer, and it's true for some just not for jen. "for some, that word comes easy. for me, it's.."

"scary?" i reply. "that doesn't make sense. you said it to ethan a million times,"

she nods her head in response. "i know. i feel like i said that out of guilt not out of true love. even if it was true, he never even tried to say it back." she sighs. she runs her fingers through her long hair.

"i messed up, okay? i still don't think that i'm ready to say it. but i know, he is a boy that i really could, ya know?"

"okay, jen. i think the first step of being ready to say 'i love you' to grayson is being able to say the word love." i tell her.

"grayson is a boy that i could really and truly.." she hesitates. "love."

i nod with a small smile. "there you go,"

—

the bell rang to dismiss everyone from school. i talk to a couple of teachers about some assignments that i was having an issue with. i got done talking to them in time for the halls to be empty. i turn the corner to go to the locker room and i see jen talking to ethan.

i have two options; hide behind the corner and listen or interrupt them. my feet kept walking, guess option two is the one i'm going with.

"emma!" ethan says shocked as i walk between them. i ignore him and open the doors that go to the gym. "hey, wait!" he rushes in after me. "emma!" he grabs my arm.

"oh, hey ethan!" i fake smile with my fake enthusiasm. "didn't see ya there talking to jen."

"you blame me," he ignores my pettiness. "and you have every right to. jen came to me and she was upset. i've known her so long that i can't ignore her when she needs a friend, you understand that don't you?"

i don't do anything. i stand there motionless. i'm barely breathing.

"she kissed me,"

"okay, i have to get to practice." i interrupt.

"and i pushed her off immediately. i didn't even kiss back, emma. then, the next day i told you that i only want you. i knew that because the shortest amount of time her lips were on mine, i wanted it to be you. i will always want it to be you." he says sincerely. my heart flutters a bit and i try to catch my breath.

"emma!" i hear my name being called by my teammates. "practice is about to start."

i back away from ethan slowly. before i turn around completely i say, "we'll talk after, okay?"

he nods with a big smile on his face that i can't help but match it with a smile of my own.