perfectly wrong | ethma

twenty three

"come on ethan," i say as i hold the phone to my ear. "pick up your phone." my eyes scan the area i was driving around. i actually had no idea where he'd be.

voicemail. again.

i press the button to call again immediately, there's an answer this time.

"ethan!" i scream in excitement. i tilt my head back real quick  and then eyes back on the road. "finally, you answered. where are you?"

"ethan are you coming?" i hear an all too familiar voice in the background.

i hear shuffling and a door close on his end of the call. my heart stops beating as i get a sick feeling.

"i've been busy." he's short with me.

"ethan," i say as i pull into an old campsite we'd go to when we were kids. if you traveled far enough back into the woods, you'd find the prettiest river. "was that a girls voice in the background?"

he's silent.

"more specifically jens." i say. there's a lump already forming in my throat.

"it's not what you think," he says, panic in his voice. "it's really not what you think. i swear."

"god, ethan. you really know how to make me feel like an idiot over and over again. i'm so sick of it!" i yell into the phone. "i don't think i can fall for this again."

"em, please hear me out." he says. "it's just jen."

"it's never 'just jen' ethan," i sigh. "it's jen."

he's silent again.

"you said you were busy. busy with what? busy with her? busy laying with her? busy having sex with her?" i ramble.

"i'm not having sex with her what? why can't you trust me? have i ever given you a reason not to?" ethan starts to get snappy back to me.

"yes," i say. "you were with jen the night before you said you only want me. i've forgiven you for it but..." i trail off. "i can't act like it didn't happen and i can't just trust you with my whole heart knowing that."

"you're right, that did happen. but then i fell completely and madly in love with you." he says softly. "but if you can't trust me, then what are we doing?"

the tears start falling down my cheeks. i take in a deep breath. "i have no idea what we're doing, this was a mistake."

"no em, that's not what i'm saying-"

"we need a break. goodbye ethan." i hang up on him.

my phone rings again and i see ethans name pop
up. i turn my phone on silent and throw it to the floor. i sit in my car crying and i see families start to unpack their car to go camp.

hours later there's a knock on my window. grayson bends down to see me. he's wearing a hoodie and sweats, his hair a mess.

i unlock my car for him to get in.

"hey," he says. "ethan asked me to check in on you."

my heart sinks as i hear his name.

"thanks for continuing to share your location with me, that was helpful." he tries to shift the mood. he tilts his head as he looks at me. "what happened?"

i want to cry again thinking about it. but then i realized what i know could hurt grayson.

"i don't want to talk about it," i say.

he nods and taps his fingers on his legs. "alright,"

the car was silent again. it wasn't an uncomfortable one, things with grayson always felt so natural.