Gap Year

22

I was completely frozen as the door opened slowly. I didn't know what to do, how to act around Shawn. What will he say? Would it be awkward?

I closed my eyes and anxiously waited for him to enter the room. But he didn't. I only heard him mutter 'what the hell' under his breath before he finally stormed into the bathroom. He stared at me with wide eyes, dressed in his boxers now, slowly coming closer to me. I could see the confusion and disbelief in his eyes as he tried to understand what was going on.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" he whispered.

I shook my head no and stared down at the ground in front of me. I couldn't manage to look into his eyes. I heard him sigh as he stepped in front of the sink, staring into the mirror. He wasn't the only one covered in hickeys and love bites. Why didn't I noticed them before? He ran his hand through his messy hair and lowered his head.

"Do you remember if we, you know, did it?" his voice was hoarse and out of the corner of my eyes I saw him shift so he could look at me again. I laughed in disbelief and shook my head, looking up at him for the first time.

"I don't know but come on, just look at us!" I didn't want to sound annoyed but I just couldn't control my emotions right now. My feelings were all over the place and I didn't knew what to think right now.

"Why are you so pissed now? It's not my fault that we slept with each other!"

"Oh whose is it then, huh? You say it was my fault?"

"Well, I didn't throw myself at you asking you to fuck me!" I couldn't believe what he just said and groaned frustrated.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm saying." he rolled his eyes at me but I just stared at him confused.

"No I'm serious, what happened last night?"

"When we were still at the party you started kissing and touching me. I only remember that we called an uber but after that the memories are gone." his voice was muffled since he had his hands in front of his face, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

What!?

"I was drunk, why- why didn't you just stop me?" my eyes burned but I didn't want to cry now.

"Because I was drunk too. I don't know but when you're drunk you sometimes do stupid things."

Ouch!

"Yeah. Right. I think I should go home now." I slowly stood up and walked out of the door, not looking at Shawn.

"Leia, wait-" he grasped my wrist to stop me but I pulled away, closing my eyes frustrated.

"Shawn, no. I don't want to talk to you right now. I want to go home, I need some time for myself."

"We can just forget about it if that is what you want. Mistakes happen but you're my best friend and I don't want to lose you because of something like this!" his eyes were searching mine desperately but I couldn't look at him. I didn't want him to see the tears that started blurring my view again but of course he noticed them.

"Hey don't cry. It's okay!"

"No it's not okay! Maybe for you, but for me it's not! We slept with each other and I can't remember one bit! For you it might seem that I'm overreacting but I just lost my virginity to my best friend! I wanted my first time to be special!" he tried to say something but I cut him off.

"I'll talk to you later." I wiped my tears away and slipped out the door. I quickly grabbed my things, throwing them into my bag.

Without saying another word I left his apartment in only a pair of jeans and a hoodie that was inside my bag. It was not until I was halfway home that I realized it was Shawn's.