SUPPRESSION •Complete•

BREAKDOWN

BREAKDOWN

English Coach: "Freya could you stay after class?"

Me. "..." I shook my head no.

English Coach: "I'm sorry, that wasn't a request. I'd like to see you after class."

Me: "..." I nodded.

Some kids were snickering and giving me mocking looks. It turns out having the principle escort you to class is a real attention seeking move. People even know I have a scheduled guidance session. They give me weird looks, like I'm weird, like I'm not normal, like I don't belong. I don't feel like I belong, especially since Evelyn has given me the cold shoulder. She seems to be avoiding me more then I'm avoiding Gavin. And Lola seems to be spending as much time with Gavin as possible. It seems like since I'm not around Gavin she's not around me. I feel kind of used.

English Coach: "Come on Freya, we don't have all day."

I reluctantly got up from my seat as the other students slowly left the classroom. They stalled as long as possible, trying to get snippets of our conversation, the latest gossip.

English Coach: "Are you still reading that book?"

He motioned to the book I stole from the library in my hand.

Me: "..." I nodded.

English Coach: "It's a few pages, shouldn't you have finished it already?"

Me: "..." I shrugged.

The fact that I kept rereading it didn't seem all that important to this one sided conversation.

English Coach: "Well since you keep reading through my class would you like to explain to me why you enjoy it more then my teaching?"

Me: "..." I drew up my eyebrows in shock. Was he serious?

English Coach: "You aren't much of a talker, are you?"

Me: "..." I nodded.

English Coach: "Hmm, well I'm going to need you to do extra credit if you want to pass this marking period."

I stared at him blankly, I'm not doing extra credit.

English Coach: "Oh, how about this, you can be the ball girl at the girl's soccer games?"

Me: "..."

English Coach: "I'll pass you with a seventy, unless you'd like to fail?"

Me: "..." I nodded.

English Coach: "Great, come by after school and I'll give you the girl's schedule."

Me: "..." I nodded reluctantly and left.

I peeked into the cafeteria and found Evelyn sitting with Lola at a table with a few others. I pushed my shoulders back and made my way over to there table. Before I could reach them a hand latched around my wrist and yanked me back. I stumbled backwards and for a minute there I was sure I'd land on my ass but surprisingly I landed on someone's lap. A very muscular someone's lap.

I looked up, straight into some guy's eyes that I've never seen before. But I can guess what type of guy he is by his letterman jacket. Jock.

Jock: "You're Freya right? I saw you at Gavin's Halloween party, no costume. You were the girl that got high with his sister, right? I bet you're a fun one to party with."

He winked at me and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me further onto his lap. I was ultimately shocked, I'd never been in a situation like this, at least not when sober.

I moved to get up, pushing his hands away from me, but his grip tightened.

Jock: "Where do you think you're going, we just want to talk."

The jock's friends all chuckled around us. I gulped nervously and looked around at the five boys all clad in letterman jackets. The guy who pulled me onto his lap took his other hand and started rubbing my thigh. My breathing hitched and I started to feel panicky. I wanted to yell, I wanted to say no, I want to say something, but no words came out and I made this weird squeaking noise like rusty brakes. Suddenly I was really hot, I felt like my ears we're on fire and I was panting like I'd run a marathon. My vision started get fuzzy and I felt extremely light headed. But the jock and his friends didn't seem to notice I was on the verge of a full on panic attack. He kept laughing with his friends, his hands still on me.

Evelyn: "So all the rumors are true?"

My head snapped to the side as I saw Evelyn and Lola staring at me. Evelyn looked pissed and Lola seemed to be looking down at me. My panic attack seized or at least paused for a minute as I took them in, my friends.

Evelyn: "You're just a no good whore." She sneered at me.

Lola: "I thought you were my friend, but you sleep with the guy I like, what kind of friend are you?"

Me: "..." Nothing came out.

Evelyn: "You're a bitch and I hope you get what's coming to you."

Lola: "I thought you were my friend?" She shook her head and followed Evelyn out.

Jock: "Tough crowd, but you really aren't supposed to screw your friend's crushes. Isn't that breaking girl code or something?"

Again they laughed and while they were in their fits of laughter I escaped and took off running. I bolted from the cafeteria, my eyes became blurry with tears. But I bit my tongue until it bled to stop the sobs from escaping. I fell to the floor in the middle of the hallway and quickly tried to stop the tears from coming.

Random Voice: "Freya?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder, I immediately flinched away and scrambled to my feet. I was about to take off again, but my knees felt like jelly, I could barely stand they shook so violently.

Random Voice: "Freya, what happened?"

The voice was soon put to a face as I was slowly turned around. The English Coach stood in front of me, his hands resting on my shoulders.

English Coach: "Freya, talk to me, what happened? Do you need me to take you to the nurse?"

Me: "..." I shook my head and tried to pull away.

English Coach: "Come with me?"

Me: "..." I nodded and followed after him.

We ended up in his classroom, he took a seat at his desk. I stood awkwardly in the door way and sniffled, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand.

English Coach: "Come in Freya, let's talk."

English Coach was a young enough guy that he made me feel uncomfortable. I was reluctant to sit at a desk across from him, but I didn't see what else could go wrong. This day wasn't even remotely salvageable. So I sat down at the desk and stared at him, waiting for him to say something else.

English Coach: "Here is the girl's soccer schedule."

He handed me the paper and I was tempted to just throw it back at him.

English Coach: "Tell me what happened, talk to me. I understand you say nothing at your guidance session, your parents and teachers are very worried about you."

I felt like say, "Yeah right, as if anyone gives a damn." But I sniffled and stared at my clasped hands.

English Coach: "I saw what happened at lunch. Did you tell those boys to leave you alone?"

Me: "..." I shook my head.

English Coach: "Why not, Freya? You have to speak up for yourself."

Me: "..." I shrugged.

English Coach sighed and shook his head. He gave me a pitiful look as the bell rang. I got up and hastily left. I looked at the art room and just shrugged. I turned back around and left, heading straight for the girl's bathroom.

I looked in the mirror and stared to rub away the traces of my tears. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to say something. But I didn't know what to say. What could I say when nothing mattered? Nothing.