SUPPRESSION •Complete•

FIRST TIMES

FIRST TIMES

This is what she felt. No words could stop this. He was in complete control and I was powerless to stop him. That's how Ainsley felt.

Gavin flipped us over and was now in between my legs, taking full control of the situation.

I had always wondered what my first time would be like. I had assumed I'd either be drunk or high and it would definitely be a mistake. I was right. But at least it was my choice, at least I had wanted to do this.

Ainsley had called and cried for help and no one came. In the end I remained quiet and let Gavin do what he wanted. I was in no place to stop him.

Gavin slowly undressed me while never taking his lips from mine. And in the end I had enjoyed what we did. I'm sure Ainsley didn't feel the same way. But I genuinely like Gavin. I'm sure Ainsley didn't feel this way.

Eventually I was left in my underwear under Gavin and I had only worked his shirt over his head. I wrapped my ankles tightly around his hips, pulling him closer. I thrust my hips with experience, thriving off the way he moaned.

It's true I'm a virgin, but I was no nun. Plenty of guys had gotten to second base and some had almost slid home. I knew exactly what I was doing and what it was doing to him. Gavin was in a world of bliss when I finally took over. I flipped us back over so I was on top again. I took charge and rid him of his torn jeans.

Gavin: "Do you really wanna do this?"

Me: "Yes."

I took the clasp of my bra and undid it, letting the straps slowly fall down my arms until I was in full view.

Gavin sucked in a breath before he gently cupped me. He sat up, sliding me into his lap. He caressed me gently as if I was fragile..

I can only imagine how gentle that boy was with Ainsley. Obviously not as gentle as Gavin was being with me. Her cries echoed in my head. They're still so raw. And the guilt is consuming.

Was I having sex with Gavin to punish myself? Am I doing this because it was my fault? Because I forced her to come. Because I hadn't looked for her earlier. Because I had done nothing to stop it. Because I stood still and watched. Because this is what I deserved.

We were both fully naked and Gavin was fiddling with a condom. We were both breathing unevenly from the heavy make out session. His fingers were trembling. I felt like I should have helped him, but I was amused as I watched him fiddle to tare the packet open.

His hands were shaking so bad that I had to help him slip the condom on.

Me: "Gavin?"

He groaned in response, pressing his lips to the tender flesh on my neck. He bit down gently, no doubt leaving a hickey.

Me: "I'm a virgin."

I stated it so bluntly that he paused and pulled back. He stared at me with shocked eyes. After a few seconds he finally replied.

Gavin: "Me to."

It didn't shock me that he was still a cherry boy. Gavin didn't seem like the type to be sleeping around or be all that smooth with the ladies. But I can't help but acknowledge the fact that him being my first and me being his first was a serious turn on. I don't even know why, but the purity of the situation was a turn on. The fact that we were both fumbling idiots made everything more perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better first time. But I knew I didn't deserve it, not after what happened to Ainsley's first time.