A (mostly) lighthearted rant book by me. Join me in reveling and reviling every terrible cliche and odd writing cliche known to wattpad.
This book may include rants about:
-wattpad
-cliches
-bad characters
-bad stories
...
Hi! My name is Xenia Zoila Scarlet Jack Daniels Florida! I have long, wavy blund hair, brilliant sappfire eyes, and full, luscious lips. It's hard being so irredemably ugly. No one will EVR love <3 me. </3 :(.
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Why would you do this?
Do you hate me?
Have I done something to deserve such a horrific fate?
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This is an unforgivable sin. It's legitimately up there with adultery and murder.
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Do. Not. Start. Your. Story. Like. This. Please.
First of all, you sound like a third grader with a bad case of the Dyslexia (*cough cough* Bella Thorne). Secondly, it's lame and makes me gag. Thirdly, it is an egregious writing transgression.
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Unless your character is supposed to be able to deliberately break the fourth wall whenever they want, this opening doesn't make sense (setting aside the bad spelling and terrible character.)
Character's CAN break the fourth wall sometimes. Look at Deadpool. He's dope. But, his fourth wall breaking abilities follow a consistent logic and make sense in the context of his story.
Reading about a character who can smash the fourth wall could totally be cool. But stories that open like this are not artistic literature meant to challenge expectations and demolish writing norms. It's just a bad decision and a formatting fail for people who don't have enough experience writing to work those sort of things in naturally.
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And, That's the tea.
Tip for every aspiring writer out there: Show, don't tell.
I do not need to immediately know your main characters name. I don't need an instant description of her hair color. Or of her eyes. Or of her self esteem issues.
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Long story short, Never open your book with "Hi, I'm..."
I, and I'm sure many others, will instantly click out.
