The last time

4: Her

I'm going to skip ahead to October 24th back in 2018. This was both the beginning and the end of my relationship with Daniel Walton. This was the very first time he drove out to visit me at my university, and he was set to spend the night in my uncomfortable twin sized bed with me. We had been talking on the phone everyday for I couldn't tell you how many days and we were enthralled with one another. Two people who had rarely spent time alone with each other all through high school could now spend hours on the phone and never run out of things to say.
I remember the feeling of my heart pounding when he called and asked where to park, something I hadn't thought about at all. Begrudgingly, I sent him to my ex boyfriends apartment building, the only place I knew his car was safe for the night. I stood outside and watched his car head past me down a road to my left and felt as if I had stopped breathing. No one ever made me feel this way quite like Danny did. I walked toward him in hopes of meeting in the middle, scared to walk directly into Casey's parking lot, a place I knew I no longer belonged. I didn't stop halfway, back in the beginning he was magnetic to me. I just couldn't wait to be next to him. He was bent over pulling things from his car and I was taking in the sight of him. When Danny righted himself he came to hug me. Hugging Danny felt like going home. It was the same relief I got when I pulled up to my parents house with my entire life in my car at the end of each semester at school. This was my second hug from him of the day, he had stopped earlier right in front of my apartment when he first spotted me, jumped out of his car, and ran to me as if he couldn't wait a moment longer to be wrapped up in me, like I said, magnetic.
The in between of October 24th really wasn't important. We went on our first sit down date at a nearby Mexican restaurant and talked about how Danny couldn't remember what I looked like when I ate even though we'd eaten lunch together at school for years, there was a reason for this, but we don't have to get into that right now. Danny and I didn't. The conversation came easy, the eye contact came in hidden glances. The love came crashing quickly. After all, it had already been there for years.
The end of October 24th is what really counts. This is the part where two people with all the tension and desire the world had to offer squeezed into a twin sized bed and honestly, we didn't know what to do with it. I remember being scared to take off my shirt. I was never so nervous for a boy to see me naked. Danny was nervous too, but obviously eager which didn't calm me down. There was no moment where we stood looking each other up and down after our clothes were finally removed, like there was in The Notebook. Even after the night ended I couldn't have told you what he looked like naked from the waist down and I'm sure he'd say the same. To be fair, it was most definitely the worst sex either of us had ever willingly had. Our easy conversation slowed to a stop. We pulled up an early episode of friends on Netflix and watched until Danny eventually asked if we should try again. Embarrassed and tired I said no, let my fingers run trails up and down his spine, telling him it didn't matter that his nerves had gotten the best of him, and eventually fell asleep to the matching rhythm of our two heart beats. The next morning Danny left and didn't call. Then I didn't hear from him the next day. Or the day after. On that third day, Danny posted a picture of his ex girlfriend who he had become friends with, benefits included, and I made my own assumptions about what had happened and began to date other boys. All of which briefly, none of them ever filling me with the feelings that Danny had.