The last time

5: Him

I guess I should explain how Natalie ended up on Rochelle's list in the first place, but there's plenty of time for that. I want to go to my friend and producer, Taylor Browns house. When I look back on the beginning of my feelings for Nat, a lot of it started at parties I shouldn't have been asking her to come to.
She was home for a break from school sophomore year, probably her spring break, looking back. I know that even though I had a girlfriend at the time, I had an endless crush on Natalie. When she got to Taylor's we hugged hello but she spent most of her time talking to our mutual friend, Benny, who she'd become close to while residing on my veto list. It wasn't my place, but every time I caught them alone talking I was jealous. The night droned on as I watched her watch him in amazement that I wanted her to watch me with. At one point I caught her sitting on the steps that led into the basement alone and couldn't help but walk down and sit a little too close on the step behind her, wrapping my legs around her sides and letting my arms drape across her body. She easily, and drunkenly leaned back into me. And that was exactly what I wanted even though I knew it was wrong of me.
This moment would later come up casually in a conversation between Nat and I, and become a point of content, as she remembered Ben sitting behind her and not me. She'd held my hand and explained to me that she hadn't been interested in Ben at all that night. When alone together she'd ask him to sing songs for her just for the fun of watching an artist in real life, not for the purpose of hearing his voice in particular. She loved me after all, not Ben. We both knew that.
Eventually, in my drunken state, I believed I had run out of options and went to lock myself in a bathroom on the first floor of the house to sleep in the bathtub and avoid that unavoidable, beautiful, and magnetic woman. I wish I had a better explanation for why I felt like I had to go to such ridiculous measures, but I honestly don't. The next morning I found her and Benny cuddling and asleep on the floor of the basement. I saw red, maybe it was actually just green, but I hated it.