The last time

11: Him

They always expect you to chase them. They won't say it. Not even after the fact, but every girl wants it and when you don't, it's done for. I'll never understand. Why do they run if they just want the person they're running away from to follow after them. It's just how it goes I guess.
Natalie ran from me a number of times. It was her go to when she was angry or upset. She'd run out of my house to her car. She'd run to my bathroom to cry without me seeing. She'd even just run to my living room to play with my roommates cat and take a little time for herself. She didn't always run away physically. She'd run away from me into a place in her head that I couldn't reach. That was way worse than when she'd leave the room though. I understood it less and felt so much more lost. The time she did this that stands out the most was the morning my ex girlfriend, Lori's mom texted me asking if I'd do work at her house for her. I'd done this for years. Nat had witnessed me leaving for a variety of odd jobs for the woman. She paid me well and her daughter was never around. When Nat realized I was supposed to be working for her she retreated. I knew she'd never liked it before. She made small side comments every time I went over. I didn't care. I know I didn't handle it right. I've told her this. When she went to that place where I can't reach her I looked at her exasperated, my eyes rolled and I said "you can't seriously be mad at me. We just woke up" I was tired and didn't understand why she was acting how she was acting. In that way, this wasn't in my control. This went from eye roll to blow out too fast to keep up with. We drove to her parents house and when we pulled up she said "bye" and got out of the car. This was supposed to be the first time she'd come to the studio where I recorded my music. It was supposed to be a happy day. A special day. I wanted her to see one of my favorite places. To see me doing the thing I loved. I couldn't believe this was how today was turning out. I was so angry. I pulled away as fast as my five speed could go. I would later find out that this was one of the many times Natalie ran into her house with tears streaming down her face with no one but her older brother there to comfort her and he definitely wasn't good at that. Leave it to me and my timing, he was getting ready to leave for a detox center and in one of his depressive states. There was so much I didn't know about what happened in her home back then. I called her angry but when I heard her sobbing and begging me to leave her alone for the day. She had other things going on. I had no idea that when she'd walked her brother to his car and said "I'll see you when you get back!" With all her sweet support and excitement he'd shot back "yeah I don't know if I'll make it back" and closed his car door behind him, driving off. I called her to yell at her for how she'd acted on a day that was important to me just because she didn't want me working for a woman I'd worked for well before she was in the picture. Looking back, I can't believe I was stupid enough to not see that sobbing like that had to have been caused my something else. I never would've guess that Derek had just alluded to killing himself and left her home alone to deal with that all by herself. Fuck life was not fair.