The last time

34: A brief break from sadness for a talk with John

J-Nat.
N-John?
J-I really think you need to let this go and move on. I know that's hard to hear but there's always something better out there. There's always someone better.

This is the part where John tells me the truth about why him and Danny were no longer speaking when Danny and I first started dating. As it goes, Danny was the bad guy afterall. I hadn't seen this coming. John was getting ready to go on vacation with Danny's ex Lori, yes the one from the beginning, and Danny told him he should sleep with her. what would possess a boy to encourage another boy to sleep with a girl he dated is beyond me. Boys always manage to surprise me in new gross ways. When John actually did it, Danny got mad at him and stopped speaking to him. John eventually found out that Danny had been spending a lot of alone time with a girl he'd loved in high school, and Danny's roommate thought he even slept with her.
On the last night I saw Danny, he told me not to speak to John. This was hard for me. Our mutual friend was a marine and wasn't in town often, and not getting to see him hurt, but according to Danny, he was "his friend first" and it wasn't my place. He didn't want me in his life. A couple weeks after John left town I felt the weight of not having seen my friend who I cared so much about. I sent him a message to apologize for not reaching out and explained that I was trying to respect Danny's wishes and hadn't realized how messed up his request was. John went on to tell me that Danny hadn't even bothered to see him after July first. There had been no reason for me not to be with him. This made it hurt even worse.

Back in high school, and even for some time after, John had been in love with a girl who he couldn't let go of, so he understood how I was feeling. He also knew what he needed to hear back then.

N-I guess you're right. I just can't imagine letting him go.

This was true. I couldn't imagine letting him go. Danny has been such a big part of my life for so long and even with all of the things I've found out about him since we broke up, I can't stop loving him.