My Favorite Song

Chapter 19: My Decision....

The next morning, I woke up with mixed feelings. Today, I would have to start deciding. Castiel, Nathaniel, Lysander...who would I end up with? It was pretty clear now that I wasn't deciding just anything. I was deciding....

My one and only love.

Despite my situation, I still had to go to school. So, just as yesterday and all my previous school days, I quickly got ready and was on my way.

Castiel wasn't standing by his tree today. I figured he'd gone inside to 'spy' on me again. However, when I got inside and looked around, I couldn't see him anywhere.

*Huh...either Castiel's doing a better job of spying on me than usual or he just didn't come to school today....*

For the moment, I assumed that he was just spying more carefully. After all, Castiel wouldn't skip school knowing that Lysander's watching me....at least I didn't think he would....

I skipped school today. I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of leaving Slim, with Lysander stalking her like that, but after what happened yesterday, it was obvious that Slim wanted me to stay away. At least until she realizes that she belongs with me.

....She will come back to me....I know she will..... she has to...

Regardless of Castiel's strange behavior that day, I carried on my day as normal. Went to classes, lunch with Iris, helping Melody, school club, blah blah blah....

Lysander hadn't approached me once that day; instead, he did his best to avoid me. And for him, THAT is impressive. (XD)

Nathaniel still hadn't shown up yet, but that didn't worry me; I knew he would come back eventually. I considered going to see him, but that would go against the 'no boys until xmas' rule. So, I just went home.

I was finally able to concentrate on my homework; no consuming thoughts, no disruptions. I even got some free time after I got done, and I barely had any trouble falling asleep that night.

Of course, I still knew I had to make a choice that would change my life (well, not severely, but still...). I'd have to weigh my options somehow. But that could wait another day; today had been peaceful, and I wasn't going to give in to my thoughts. Not this time.

About Two Weeks Later...

Several days had gone by; everything stuck in the same position. No Castiel (figured out after a few days that he really had been skipping school), No Nathaniel (starting to worry about him...), and barely any Lysander (avoided me at every chance he got).

The fact that they were leaving me alone meant more peace and quiet in my life. However, it was only a week until Christmas, and even though winter break had already started, I was feeling uneasy. Very uneasy.

I mean, of course I was happy that the holidays were almost here, but at the same time, I knew Christmas was the day I had to make my decision once and for all. It was inevitable.

I decided that if I was going to choose my permanent boyfriend, I'd better start thinking about it and compare every pro and con I could find. Though, the more I thought about it, the harder it was for me to decide.

I mean, they all had their good and bad qualities, and overall, not one of them seemed to outweigh the other two.

Castiel seemed to really care about me, but he cared a little TOO much. Always keeping me close to him and telling me what to do (but especially what NOT to do) was his way of protecting me, and while it was flattering and made me feel safe, it also made me feel as if he didn't respect my rights as a person to go wherever and do whatever I wanted.