jellyfish hearts

baby steps

it started after puberty
my body had betrayed me
growing hair where it should not
growing bumps, and spots, and dots

i did not understand who i was
i hated who i had become
i wanted to burn my genes
and shed my skin

become somebody else
i shaved and clogged the drain
ingrown hairs my worst enemy
bandaids couldn't cover my rashes

i didn't love myself
so i tried becoming somebody else
with smooth and perfect skin
who was tan

someone cool and hip
oh to be popular and pretty
to fit right in
without a hitch

but no
they called me gay instead
spread rumors about me
turned me stone cold heartless

i was only fifteen then
but now i'm twenty-one
and i know better than to listen
to them

i had to tell myself
it is ok to be different
but i did not believe it
so i grew hair on my legs

to try and fit in AGAIN
i was afraid of the dangers
of being the marshmallow
roasted on the end of a stick

as i listened to people say
"you should shave your legs!" to boys
and the boys said
"haha, no that's gay"

but that is what happened
they burned me alive
watched me get scorched
turned me gooey inside

now i'm sensitive
but strong
now i'm emotional
but a fighter

that's not wrong
and i know better
than to listen
to the lies of a stranger

so what DOES encouragement
mean to me?
it means being who you are
no matter who says "you can't be!"