A love like war - Chapter Seven

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So this chapter may be a bit triggering to some people but yeah, just a heads up...

Dans P.O.V

phil and I have been dating for a while but we have never made it official.

Today I was going into town to find a gift for phil with Cats help since I had no idea what to get him.

"Cat, what do guys like?" I asked her and she gave me a confused look.

"Dan, you would know more than me, you ARE a guy remember!" She said and I nodded knowing she was right.

"What about this?" Cat said and she pointed to something behind a glass window.

I looked up and saw that it was a pet store and the animal she was pointing at was a hamster.

We walked into the store and over to the hamster area and looked at all of the small, fluffy hamsters.

"I saw a small black and white hamster just sitting at the back of the cage, occasionally nibbling the bedding.

He was perfect.

We brought the hamster, a cage and other important things for it to have a happy life.

"Phil is going to love it" Cat and I said and we both started laughing our heads off.

"Hey cat, I'm going to about an hour or so at the shops so just look after the hamster until then okay?" I shouted as I ran halfway down the stairs.

"Yep, sure thing Dan" she showed back as I left the apartment and headed down the road.

I walked into tescos and grabbed a trolley. It was my turn to do the weekly shop so that's why I had to leave the house.

As I was scanning the items I thought I saw phil standing outside the shop but when I looked back he was replaced by a girl.

I shrugged it off and finished scanning my shopping, piling all of the bags into my arms since I didn't have a car to put them in.

I was walking back towards my apartment when I decided to take the short cut to save five minutes of waiting through traffic.

I walked past this cute little kiddie park the was placed next to an alley way. Very convenient for pedophiles...

I had to go through the alley way to get home so when I turned away from the park I nearly dropped all of my bags at the sight.

Phil was up against that chick I saw him with at the coffee shop.

I don't think brother and sisters act like they are now.

Phil and that girl who I remember to be Zoe were in a full blown make out session except she was just in a black bra and phil had no shirt on.

He lied to me when he said that she was his sister and to think I wanted to loose myself to him.

I'm downright disgusted with myself.

I was about to turn away when I chocked on my tears a bit to loudly and when phil saw me his eyes bulged out of his head.

He pushed himself off of Zoe who had a smug look on her face like this is what she was trying to do and I just ran as fast as i could to get back to the apartment but the image of Phil and Zoe was burned into my head.

I could hear phil calling my name but I just kept running and crying.

I didn't care anymore. The guy I thought I loved has just broken what was left of my heart and now I have nothing left.

I opened the apartment door and ran all the way up the steps, threw the groceries into the kitchen and ran into my room, slamming the door and locking myself in the bathroom.

I slid my back down the wall and cried into my hands.

I saw myself in the mirror and cried at what I saw.

There was no smile, my hair was un kept, my face was stained with salty tears and my heart is torn in two.

I searched threw my draws and at the bottom I found what I was looking for.

I wrapped my fingers around the cool metal took a sharp breath in before pressing the fresh blade into my pale, porcelain skin.

I saw the tattoo that had his name on it, so I brought the blade up to my wrist and sliced through the middle of his name.

I watched as the small, Crimson beads of blood started to flow out from the cut but it wasn't enough, I need to feel enough pain to take my thought away from the guy I once and still love.

And that's what hurts the most. I still love him.

I pressed the blade to my skin again, this time slightly deeper making me grit my teeth from the pain.

I made eight more cuts until I couldn't she his name any more and now my skin was shredded and soaked in blood.

I washed my hand and wrapped it ina bandage which turned red because of the blood that was soaking though the thin fabric.

I splashed water in my face then left my bathroom.

I crawled into my bed and fell asleep with only one thing on my mind.

'Why am I never good enough?'

I'm so sorry if this was sad or triggering and I in no way encourage self harm. I understand it is no laughing matter and people have legit reasons why the do it. So again, I do not support nor have I ever self harmed.

Thank you.

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