If LoZ Characters Could Text (plus some other random characters!!)

😎CHAMPIONS😎

(Daruk, Mipha, Link, Revali, Urbosa, and Zelda have joined the chat)

Daruk: hey guys whatcha think?

Revali: oh goddess what have you done

Mipha: Daruk and I made this group chat with just us, no interruptions from that Ink or Storm

Zelda: or Paya and Riju

Link: yay?

Urbosa: wAsSUp gANG

Zelda: what's wrong with her

Revali: ...

Mipha: REVALI WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Revali: I may have brought her out for a drink last night...

Daruk: how in Hyrule did you do that? You guys are arch nemesises and you WENT OUT FOR A DRINK?!

Revali: well...we had a duel and I won so drinks were on her

Zelda: he actually won against Urbosa?!

Revali: well a certain STORM stripped her of her power so I didn't use mine and the duel ended with...her choking on my tail feathers...and me pinning her down.

Mipha: well then

Urbosa: I wANT JuICE

Daruk: um...Urbosa, how many drinks did you have exactly?

Urbosa: UMmMM

Revali: she had 91

Zelda: OML

Link: that's nothin

Daruk: really, little guy?

Revali: she was VERY upset that I beat her

Urbosa: I COuLd TASte BiRd PoOp

Revali: O-O

Mipha: w-what?!

Revali: she is REALLY drunk...saying the weirdest things...heheh

Mipha: ok...

Zelda: wait...Revali...why aren't YOU drunk?

Mipha: YEAH!

Revali: well I am drunk

Link: what?! You haven't said anything crazier than the usual and you're not slurring or anything!

Zelda: wait...what if...well, when people get drunk there are sad people, angry people, clingy people...

Daruk: hey! I think you're on to something, princess!

Mipha: Revali is being kind of weird...he's so...nice and cooperative

Revali: uh, what?! I beg your pardon! Please!

Zelda: *gasps*

Mipha: see what i mean? He said PLEASE

Daruk: oh my

Urbosa: WhAT DoEs ThAt EvEn MeAn

Zelda: what if drunk Revali is nice Revali?!

Mipha: YES

Link: wow...

Daruk: that's amazing!

Urbosa: HoRsIEs!

Revali: that's not-

Zelda: you know what this means?!

Daruk: what

Urbosa: PrInGlE

Mipha: no, Urbosa. This means that as long as Revali is drunk we won't have to deal with him while he's asinine!

Link: *gasp*

Zelda: she said asinine

Mipha: *rolls eyes* its not a big deal. Anyway-

Daruk:*whispers* when did she get so sassy?

Link: *shrugs*

Mipha: SHUT UP!

Zelda: O_O

Mipha: we need to make Revali drunk every day!

Daruk, Link, and Zelda: YES!

Urbosa: WeEPInG sHEeP!

Revali: guys please don't I have the worst hangovers...

Mipha: you deserve it!

Zelda: Mipha, this is an incredible medical breakthrough! Just think, if this works on all asinine people, all we have to do is get ganon drunk!

Daruk: are you kidding?! That guy is like...a giant- wait he's not a giant dog is he?! We'd have to get something pretty strong...

Mipha: YES

Ink: what about...WEST CORK IRISH WHISKEY?!

Urbosa: OoOOoO

All: *gasp*

Daruk: no she's back!

Mipha: I thought you said she couldn't get in here!

Ink: I can go anywhere I so choose

Zelda: how?!

Ink: that's...a topic for later. But relax, I'm just here to help.

Link: you really think that whiskey would work on ganon?

Ink: no, I just wanted to say that. I recommend...vodka.

Urbosa: WaSsaT

Zelda: can that be found in Hyrule?

Ink: no. I'll send you some.

Mipha: how?

Ink: I can do anything, see? *poofs vodka onto Revali's head* there ya go. Now go find ganon and get him drunk! The rest's up to you!

Revali: OUCH! THAT HURT! But thanks for the vodka

Mipha: alright! Let's go have a dinner party with ganon!

Urbosa: EhE

(Mipha, Link, Zelda, and Daruk have disconnected)

Revali: well it's just you and me now Urbosa. Let's get you home, we're both too drunk to partake in this, at least you are.

(Revali has left the chat to kindly carry Urbosa back to Gerudo Town and take care of her until he becomes asinine again)