Between The Lines [Janet & Aja]

36

Aja
October 12th

I woke up numb. Number than I expected to be. Janet wasn't next to me and I drug myself out of the bed. Walking into the restroom, I closed the door behind me and put my back against it for a while. I felt... empty.

My feet began moving after a while of stillness and I found myself in front of the mirror. I turned the water on and put my face down to splash water on it. When I lifted, I yelped when I saw Amirah.

She made a face. "Now how do you get scared when I pop up as if this is my first time here?"

"Why do you pop up like that? Make yourself known. Knock. Say my name. Do something."

"Oh. Sure, Amirah the friendly ghost can knock."

"Friendly? You just scared the crap out of me. Friendly ghost don't do that stuff."

"Who made you the owner of the definition of friendly?" She asked with an eyebrow raised. 

I chuckled and she smiled. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." She replied. "How're you?"

"Each day is better than the last, I guess. It's weird with you not being here. I'm adjusting." I mumbled honestly.

She nodded. "That's good. Progress is always good."

"Yeah. It is." It went silent for a while. We just looked at each other. Me, because I wished so badly that she was real. That I could latch onto her and never let her go. Her? Well I'm not so sure.

"You remember what you promised?"

Nodding, I answered. "Yeah."

"Promise me one more thing... please?"

Knowing her, it would be something hard but still, I found myself agreeing. "What do you want me to promise now?"

"That you'll love again."

My eyes rolled. "Yeah right. Bye."

"I'm serious Aja, I won't be mad if you move on. I want you to move on. I don't want you here stuck on me when you don't have to be. Eventually, when you're ready, you need to let me go Aja. When you know you can walk without me here, you let me go and I won't be upset. I will never be upset with you. I'll always be proud of you. I'll always be watching you. You just promise me that you will open your sights to moving on."

Hesitating, I replied. "Amirah, it's not that easy."

"It's as easy as you make it."

"Yeah sure it is."

"Promise me Aja."

It took a while, but finally I told her the golden words. "I promise."

Amirah mumbled suddenly. "I have to go, but you know how to talk to me if you need me."

I watched as she disappeared from my sights just as I heard a knock on my bathroom door. "Come in."

The door opened slowly and I saw Janet appear. She smiled softly. "Hey."

"Hey." I mumbled back with a small smile.

"How'd you sleep?" She asked as I grabbed my toothbrush and put toothpaste on it.

"I slept okay. You?"

Janet nodded. "I slept just fine."

As I brushed my teeth she got behind me and began dancing. I spoke through the tooth paste with a chuckle. "Stop being weird."

She shrugged as she laughed. "I try not to but I can't fight it. How're you holding up?"

"Other than my fiancé being dead, I'm alright." I shrugged it off as I bent down and washed my mouth out.

Janet made a face. "Aja... I'm serious."

I nodded as I grabbed a face towel and wet it. "I know. I'm alright. Just miss her a lot, that's all."

"The funeral was two days ago and you... you didn't go Aja." She eased it in and I noticed that she trailed lightly. Probably because she didn't want to offend me.

Instead of replying right away, I wiped my face off before looking up at Janet and shaking my head. "I couldn't do it Janet. I couldn't handle holding an obituary with her name on it. I couldn't handle seeing her family cry. I couldn't watch them close her casket. I couldn't watch them put her in the ground. I tried to move but I couldn't. I couldn't let her go."

"You can't hold that forever Aja, it might be time to let it go. If you don't want to feel better, then hold it but I have a feeling you won't sit in this feeling for much longer. You have to get it out. Talk to someone."

"Talk to who?"

"Alex?"

"No." I immediately countered that. "I'm not talking to Alex."

"I thought you two were okay..." Janet spoke but was really asking me.

We are. We were. I don't know. I just know that I didn't want to talk to her right now. I really didn't want to talk to anyone but especially not Alex. She barely liked Amirah to begin with, what did it look like if I sat there and talked about the woman for two hours straight. I just didn't want the hypocrisy.

"We are. I just don't wanna talk to her."

"Karla?" Janet suggested and my face turned up.

"No thanks. We aren't really that close anymore and everything I'll say to her will be ran back to Denzel."

Janet shook her head. "Oh not anymore. They broke up."

"They broke up? When?" I questioned in shock.

"A while back. Still don't really know the reason why, but I know that you're late on that news." She teased and I shrugged.

"We don't really talk unless it's work related. We kind of fell off once I moved to New York with Mira." I informed her.

She nodded in understanding before asking. "What about me?" We met eye contact in the mirror as she continued. "Wanna talk to me?"

Our eye contact stayed frequent in the mirror for a few and I nodded. "Yeah, that'll work. Congratulations. You're now Therapist Jackson."

She chuckled. "Alright. Never done this before but I'm listening. What's up?"

"Chicken butt. I'll talk when I'm ready Jay." Sending her a look, I turned and exited the restroom.