Between The Lines [Janet & Aja]

39

Janet
October 23rd

We arrived at Amirah's grave which you could almost see from a mile away due to the many balloons and just the size and niceness of it. Aja pulled into the graveyard and parked right outside of it. She put some glasses over her eyes.

It was silent for a moment before she asked me. "Can you come with me? You don't have to... it's just, I don't think I can do this by myself."

Nodding, I replied. "Of course I can."

We both got out of the car and walked over to her mausoleum. Aja looked over every flower and every balloon before touching the wall of the mausoleum. I watched as she took a deep breath and grabbed something out of her pocket. It was key, and she unlocked the door. Slowly, she pulled it open. It was a bit heavy, but she managed to open it anyways. She just stood there and stared inside at her casket which was a shimmery black. Lights were inside and it was lit well.

"You want me to come inside with you?" I asked her softly.

Aja shook her head. "No.. I- uh, I think I'm going to do this part by myself." She finally began moving and stepped inside. Her fingers touched the side of the casket before she turned her head and stopped touching it completely. With a few more deep breaths, she finally turned back to it and I saw that she was crying. She placed her glasses on top of her head. "Uh... geez, what can I say?"

I knew that question wasn't for me, nor was the next sentences going to be. She was talking to Amirah. She was having her last words with her fiancé.

"I love you." Her voice cracked as she placed both hands on the casket. "I will always love you. You helped me become a better me. You helped me deal with my emotions properly. You never judged me for my past or criticized my present. You were my angel Mira. From the moment we first spoke on set, you were always my breath of fresh air. When it would be raining, you made sure to make me feel like it was sunny outside. When all of my rage was placed at the brims of my finger tips, you made sure I exhaled and let it go. I don't know why God gave me you, because I didn't deserve you but I'm so thankful that he did. You are everything anyone could ever ask for and I will always love you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I ran late that day. I'm sorry I didn't get home quick enough to help you. I'll deal with that on my own, but know that I'm sorry. That if I could run that day back and do it again, I'd be on time. I'm sorry Mira."

She took a shaky breath and continued. "For not coming to your funeral or helping with the plans. For not posting you on social media everyday to make sure the people know I'm grieving you. I am Mira. I'm grieving you everyday. I can promise you that I'll always love you, but I can't promise that I won't move on." She wiped some tears and it shocked me when she began pulling her engagement ring off. "You told me that this ring was our unity, the thing that told the world Aja King and Amirah Vann were destined to be forever. Now, I'm giving you mines. I'm giving you a piece of me so you know I came here and that I'm okay. I'll be okay. I'll make sure your parents are okay. I won't forget about them or you. You don't know how much I think this is all a dream. That I will wake up and you be in the kitchen cooking something. Just so I can be the accident prone person I am and get hurt in the kitchen and you help me wrap whatever I hurt up."

Aja wiped some more tears as she sniffed. "I love you. Nothing will change that. Everything you dreamed for, I'll make it happen with your name attached. That's my promise to you. That is how I'm gonna cope with this. All the promises I made to you, they're gonna be kept," She nodded to herself. "Thank you for loving me." Aja sat the ring on top of the casket and kissed the top of it where Amirah's head was. I wiped my fallen tears as she pulled her glasses back over her eyes and turned to leave. When she got outside the lights in the mausoleum went out causing her to smile a little bit. "Yeah, I love you too." I heard her mumble as she closed the door back.

She faced me after locking it back. "You ready to go?" Nodding, I didn't verbally answer her as we headed back to the car. When we got in, she sniffed a few times before shaking her head and glancing out the window towards her grave for a few moments. "Whew, okay... we can go now."

We drove off and rode in silence before I spoke. "You okay?"

Aja glanced over at me as she drove before nodding. "I'm great. Seriously, for the first time in a while, I'm wonderful. I'm lighter than I've been since that day. I'm perfectly fine."

"That's good. I'm glad you're okay."

"Matter fact, what do you want to eat? I've been taking your behind through all these different emotions. You've been dealing with me and all my twist and turns. Name the place, cause dinners on me. You deserve dinner and more. I owe you big time."

Chuckling at her seriousness, I shook my head. "You don't owe me a thing, that was the least I could do for you."

"Yeah, you're saying that now but I owe you, so whenever you figure out what you want as a reward, let me know because I owe you for all of this. You've been nothing but patient with me and I know it's been hard for you. I'd be dumb to let that go unnoticed. So like I said before, let me know alright?"

She sent me a small smile, and I could see that she wasn't as heavy anymore. Aja had become lighter, that was what she needed to do this whole time. It wasn't talk to Alex or Karla or even me. This whole time Aja just needed that sense of closure that she was too afraid to reward herself with.

Nodding, I mumbled. "Alright, I will."