Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers X reader Smut Fluff and other things

Dusk Till Dawn

(Steve Rogers x Reader) Warning: some very very sad fluff.

Apologies to everyone, I wrote this at 12 o clock at night and was seriously in my bag of depression. So be forewarned this chapter is sad.

—————

Tonight was one of the loneliest you had ever felt. A thin blanket, a shell of sadness, and the pillows stuffed on every side of you. The cool air and the moon light was the only form of comfort this place could provide. You didn't know if it was the past corrupting how you were feeling or if it were the present. Many things in life had come about and deliberately hurt you, even if it were just the memories. It was the feeling of the fact that you weren't good enough, that you were the biggest disappointment this world had ever seen.

Back when things were easier, getting over such a depression may have seemed as easy as an equation like 1 + 1. Things were different around the ones you loved, better. Seeming to be able to hide this part of yourself from them and the world. Just for a moment, being around the team distracted you from the depression normal people didn't want to see. The mask and facade of not being broken are what kept everything from unloading on to your friends. Your family. They didn't need to know that you were slowly slipping back into, the life you had tried to forget.

The thought of letting it all go.. It had been an option a couple of times, seeming like the better choice. And the better part about it all was that no one knew about it. Cutting it clean under the radar gave you the upper hand in just letting your worth burn in the deepest parts of hell. The people you called friends and family probably would have told you differently. Saying how much this world was worth living for. Just maybe that it was best that you talk to someone about the problems you faced.

They didn't understand, no one could. Your secrets haunted you from the past, the present, and the future. The things you had done, left behind, caused, it all made you hate yourself. But that didn't matter anymore, they wanted to be the change the better parts of yourself. How could you leave knowing you'd be the reason they may do the same over your own demise.

On lonely nights like this you'd cry until your eyes were too puffy to produce anymore tears. Sometimes just sitting on the edge of your open window sill looking out on the city. Thinking that it would only take half a second to just leap from the window, and only a split second of pain. Then it would just all be over, no more pain, no suffering, just rest and peace. But something just kept repeating that it was just a bad idea. Even in the great beyond, you'd still suffer watching on as your loved ones broke down and mourned over the loss of their favorite person. Hurting them only hurt you more, so you were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Rolling over with tears wetting your waterline, you caught sight of something you could never dream of losing. The picture resting on your bedside only scorned you for thinking such demeaning things of yourself. Their smiles only made the photo seem that much happier. It was a day that no one could forget, soaked in water and joy. Natasha looked as if she'd never even went through the red room. She of all people knew you like a puzzle piece. For a while it was hard to tell if she just knew everything about you really well or if she was really good at reading people. Everything you believed in was because she proved there was more to this than just the fight. A side of humanity that could be trusted even if the other half lied. Natasha gave so much hope that it was almost sickening. And for her it was so easy to be thankful, she made a person out of the hell she found you in. Picking up after everything you broke and destroyed. And yet she never knew what went through your brain at night. Being as she was the closest thing to a sister, you were glad she could never see the dark in you that constantly swallowed you up and spit out a darker more broken you.

Bruce wasn't comfortable with just wearing swim trunks. He was that shy person that always aided your wounds. Giving a sense of reality that things could be far more worse than what they already were. Except he had no idea just what was in store if and when your walls finally ruptured. Bruce was sweet, caring, nerdy. He was that type of person to just get flustered over a simple dirty joke. Almost as if he too were innocent. Banner didn't deserve or need to know the things you felt, the things that killed you on the inside. A couple of times he found you wandering the corridors of the Tower at night babbling on about this misfortune of yours to yourself. Deep down he knew that something was seriously bothering you that night, but he didn't bug out about it because you wanted to forget that it ever happened. So Bruce never pressed you or questioned about it again. He was worried about you, and you knew that because it showed in the way he looked at you. If only he knew...