Things Do Get Better (HTTYD Modern AU)

The Pain Never Goes Easily

I stayed in the hospital for another two weeks, with the doctors making sure that everything about me was operating properly. Once everything seemed fine, I was allowed to go home, being giving the instructions that I had to stay home and recover for about a month before I can go back to school. With a leg now gone, I was to travel on a wheelchair until I was ready to get a prosthetic leg.

I remember entering my house, returning to the place I hadn't been in for a long time that felt unfamiliar to me for a moment. My dad, who was with me, took me into the living room, where I met a familiar and missed face.

"Hey, Toothless!" I called out. It didn't even take him a second for my dog to ran up to me and stand on his hind legs, licking my face to no end, not allowing the boundary of me being in a wheelchair to stop him. I couldn't help but laugh, scratching his back and rubbing his head.

"I missed you too, bud." I said, fighting against the tears that, all of a sudden, was trying to find its way down my face (what can I say? He's my best friend). After a while, Toothless got down on his four legs again, where I noticed that he was now spotting a new red prosthetic leg (the one he has today).

"You know what? Red actually suits you better." I commented, which made him bark excitedly. But then his ears drooped with sadness. I knew exactly why, as I saw his eyes fixated on my missing left leg. He walked up to it, sniffing it before looking at me, with his eyes filled with worry and sadness.

I smiled as I rubbed his head with assurance. "I'm OK, bud. Don't worry."

Sadly, though, it wasn't the truth.

The shock and horror of the whole incident took a massive toll on me – both physical and mentally. Not a day went by where I didn't felt such aggravating pain on my leg. The doctors said I would have something called Phantom Pain – a pain I would feel from the fact that my leg is no longer there. While I knew that, it didn't change the fact that I was facing pain day after day.

I don't remember ever in my life feeling so down and empty. I felt so hopeless, that this pain, this feeling would never go away. That it would be a part of me for the rest of my life. Even knowing I would get a prosthetic soon didn't make things better. But I didn't tell anyone.

I didn't want anyone to have the burden that I had, especially my dad since he was already doing so much to take care of me. So, I was willing to keep this pain inside, not wanting anyone to know. Even if it affected me mentally.

I had many, many sleepless nights. The pain erupted me so much, it was so unbearable. I tossed and turned, trying to ignore it, but it never worked. The feeling of uselessness would slowly crawl into my mind, until it reached my breaking point. Because of this, I started to just not sleep at all. I tried to build small things to distract myself, which sometimes helps but not all the time. But once again, I never told my dad I was experiencing this, until he found out himself.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

It was one late night, and I was up once again, working on a little machine downstairs. I knew I was tired, feeling my eyes drooping occasionally, but I didn't want to sleep. I was already feeling the pain as I was awake, so how bad would it get when I closed my eyes? I was sitting at a desk, with my wheelchair right next to me. I was so focused on my work and making sure I didn't accidently fall asleep, I didn't hear the creaking noise of stairs and the door opening.

"Hiccup?" I stopped what I was doing, slowly turning around to see a shadowy figure, lurking in the dark, but I already knew who it was. The figure turned on the lights, confirming my suspicious that it was my dad.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, shocked at seeing me downstairs this late at night.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Just... felt like it." I simply said, before turning around and going back to my work. Ever since I returned from the hospital, I'd been talking to my dad less and less. It wasn't his fault, since I feared if I talked to me, I would admit my struggle to him and like I said, I didn't want him to have more of my burden.

But that didn't stop him. I could sense him walking up and standing behind me, but I didn't flinch and focused on my work.

"Hiccup, what's going on?" he asked. I didn't answer, not even looking at him as I continued to work. The shadow of him disappeared, allowing me to exhale the fear and pain that was climbing back into my system. The shadow returned, now carrying a chair with him. He then placed the chair down and sat next to me, quietly watching me.

"How long has this been happening?" he asked quietly (and by quietly, I mean he was still kind of loud).

I still didn't answer. I just slightly looked at him before looking back.

He sighed. "Hiccup, you've been like this for the past two weeks. You have to talk to me, please."

"I'm fine, dad." I simply said, with, admittedly, annoyance in my voice, but as I said that, I could feel the pain slowly coming back again, like it was taunting me, wanting me to reach my breaking point. But I didn't want to, especially in front of my father.

Then, I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder and... it overwhelmed me, that I stopped everything that I was doing.

"Hiccup, I know it seems like I don't care. But the truth is, I care about you more than anything. Ever since... your mother passed; you are all I have. I was... scared that I would lose you too and now seeing you like this, I... Please, Hiccup. Tell me what's wrong. Let me help you. Don't hide this from me anymore."

I tried to hold back, hold back the tears in me, but... what he said to me... he'd never said it to me before, at least not to me personally. Those words ran deep in me. Knowing how he truly felt... that was it. I couldn't hide anymore.

The tears fell like crazy, not wanting to stop anytime soon. I fell onto his chest, wailing in the agony and despair I had in me for so long.

"I don't know what to do!" I wept. "I...I feel this pain everyday and I want it to stop! I want it to stop, dad! I can't sleep 'cause I'm afraid! I don't know what to do!"

"It's OK, Hiccup. Just let it all out, it's OK." he said, rubbing my back as I continued to cause a flood in the room.

I don't think I ever felt this vulnerable (well, I did but that would be years later) that I needed someone with me. I had been on my own for a while and I was used to it. But this was different. They say, 'no matter what happens, you always have your family with you.' I can see they were right.

After what felt like forever, I pulled back from my dad's arms, still covered in tears, which I tried to wipe away, but like a hydra, when one goes, another two comes back, so I gave up (no point in hiding anymore).

"I know this is hard, Hiccup." My dad began to say. "But I know you'll get through this. I know I don't say this often, but you are strong and clever. You'll find a way and... if you need me, I'll be right here."

I smiled through my tears, which finally seemed to have subside. It was definitely weird to hear my dad to say all this to me, but honestly, I needed it. I had worked on my own for so long that I needed a remainder that I never was alone.

"Thank, dad." I smiled, wiping away the last reminding tears.

He smiled back. "You're welcome, son." I saw him thinking about something and visibly seeing an idea coming into his head.

"I guess you won't be going to bed anytime soon?" he asked. I shook my head. Even though I did feel a lot better than before, I knew it wasn't enough for me to suddenly be able to fall asleep.

"Then... I guess I'll stay here with you for a bit. I could even see you fix things, since you're so hellbent on being an engineer."

I was so shocked at what he had just said that I was convince that the man claiming to be my dad was actually a robot who took over him (I think I watch too much sci-fi). Anyway, I agreed to that idea.

He stayed for about three hours, watching me fix things. He would sometimes ask me questions, which I would happily answer. After the three hours, he had to go back to sleep since he had work the next day (well, actually in the next three hours). So, I continue to stay awake and work.

I feel like that day changed our relationship for the better. I mean, we would still argue from time to time, but honestly, what parent and child wouldn't? But our arguments got better. We better understood each other and took care of each other. I guess that what happens when you end up in an accident – you realise what you truly have.

And it wasn't just my relationship with my dad that got better.