Romanogers Part 2💗

Chapter 6: 6 months later

*6 months Later
*Steve's point of view*

It's been 6 months since Natasha left from the airport and I think about her every day. I haven't slept properly since she left. I always wake up to nightmares during the night and I wish Natasha was there to comfort me. I don't even know if she is alive. I should be angry at her for leaving but I'm more worried. I can take care of myself but I know she doesn't want me to get hurt, but Nat leaving me to go and fight Bruce alone hurt me more than any physical pain.

Clint was suffering bad. He somehow had a way to talk to Natasha but she hadn't spoken to him for the last 3 months. Clint never goes out to have fun anymore and neither do I. We are both focussed on working out if she's alive or not. We had a lead on her location but that was 2 months ago. She wasn't there now. We went to Budapest a week after she flew out there but she wasnt there. We went to Prague, Bucharest, Vienna, St. Petersburg and Moscow. We came home after 4 weeks of searching and we realised something must have happened since she hasn't spoken.

It was the middle of the night, one of my sleepless nights were I sit up and think about her. I had them quite often. I sat in my double bed alone. I just wanted her beside me. Her head resting calmly on my chest and I would hear her steadily breathe. I miss her so much. It was the middle of February and it was snowing heavily outside so I couldn't even go sit on the balcony and watch the sun rise. I decided to get up and stare out the window, just like I did the day before we left. She left only a day after we told everyone about us.

I had a real hatred for Bruce and I've never really hated anyone. Bruce drove Natasha away and I haven't seen her in months because of him and his persistence to have Natasha for himself. I could punch the life out of him and it wouldn't feel guilty. He deserves to have the firing squad shooting numerous bullets at his head. He does not deserve Natasha. I don't deserve Natasha. I miss her.

Me and Tony are on speaking terms after our, let's just say disagreement. Tony pulled me to the side and told me that we were no longer searching for Natasha and I snapped.
"Steve! Two months of searching came out with nothing! We don't even know if she's alive or if she has taken down Bruce and has left to have a break from this life! Steve, I know you love her but we can't waste our resources on searching for her any longer!" Tony pushed a nerve and I may have punched him in the nose, breaking it. I couldn't stop my actions and I felt overly guilty after.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry! I really didnt mean to! Let's take you down to the care unit." I felt so bad.
"Steve. I'm sorry I can't continue the search. Please, just leave me alone." He walked straight passed me. I felt like crap. I lost my Girlfriend and now my Best friend. Great.

After 2 weeks of ignoring me, I pulled Tony to the side and apologised for my actions. He said he understood and that we were okay. I didn't feel like he really took in my apology, I think he agreed to be civil to get me off his back. But our relationship improved over time and now we can actually talk to eachother without punching eachother.

I had given up all hope after the amount of searching we have done. About a month ago, she was declared Missing In Action and was then declared dead by Fury. We had a funeral for her and I couldn't even keep myself together. I cried during the ceremony and through Clints speech. I cried when I saw her name made out of flowers. I cried when Pepper came over and hugged me. I cried so much. I decided to do a speech for Nat as she meant the absolute world to me.
"Natasha was the strongest woman I have ever known. She stayed strong for me and I made sure I was strong when I could for her. People say the she is a heartless cold assassin. Everyone in this room knows how untrue this is. Natasha proved to me she had the most beautiful heart in the world. She may have been broken but I was happy to help her build herself back up again. Natasha, I miss you. If your still out there, please come home. Come back to us. I love you with all I am and I always will." I looked down at a picture of Natasha. She looked perfect. I just want her home.

Every night since she left, I look up at the moon. I know it's a bit weird to do but I would just stare it at and talk. I would imagine that if she has gone, then she will be the moon, the brightest and biggest part of the sky. But if she is still alive, maybe she will look up at it too. Maybe she will talk to it too, imagining it as me or Clint. Out of all the processes of grief that Pepper told me about, I found this one and it made me feel better. This one made me feel connected to her somehow.

End of 6 months later.