Romanogers Part 2💗

Chapter 16: Time

*Natasha's point of view*

It had been a week since Clint and Tony rescued me and ...him from the Ukrainian Compound. I haven't spoken to him, I haven't even seen him! But that's probably my fault, I haven't left Clint's apartment since I got out of the Care Unit. I spent my days watching TV while Clint went out to get groceries and to go and work on new missions. I cried when he wasn't there. I cried while he was asleep. I cried quite a lot. I can't seem to get him off my mind. Those Ocean Eyes. That disheveled blonde hair. My heart sank and I cried even more.

I sat on the couch, still in my PJs. I had on some random love story movie that I saw was on. I'd watched all the disney movies, I didn't really move from the sofa within the last week. I'm sure Netflix was tired of me. I had a blanket I got from Clints room wrapped around me and I also stole one of his pillows. My hair was in a messy bun, it was seriously messy. I haven't brushed it in ages. My appearance wasn't my main problem. I cried even more when I looked in the mirror and I hid myself under the blanket. I now avoid every mirror I can. The bruises and cuts on my body where better now but my foot was still in a cast. A stab wound on my arms was starting to scar over. But I have a problem, everytime I get really stressed, like seriously stressed (panic attacks and crying), I scratch my body and open up all my cuts and Clint comes home to me bleeding and crying. He hates seeing me like this.

I was curled up on the sofa with a pack of tissues in front of me as I heard a knock at the door. I huffed and waited, hoping they would go away but they didn't. I thought that since Clint had said he was going to get Wanda to come round, I thought it would be her but I was so wrong.

I got my crutches that were leaning on the couch and I hopped over to the door. I twisted the handle and opened the door to reveal someone I didn't expect. Steve stood before me, looking very sorry for himself. He looked me up and down. He sighed and looked down at his fingers.
"Can I come in?" He said, so quiet that I nearly didn't hear him. I nodded and opened the door and signalled for him to walk through. He kept his head down and walked passed me. I shut the door and began hoping back to the couch. Steve looked up and saw me hop back and tried to help but I waved him away.

I flopped back on the couch and he just looked at me in disbelief.
"I know I look like Shit, Steve." I smiled at him and he weak smiled back.
"Sorry." He said, staring at the floor again.
"I know you want to talk so please sit down, you look tired as hell." I said as I moved my stuff off the single seat next to me. He smiled weakly again and sat down.
"Right, sorry." He said.
"Stop Apologising!" I smiled, with a bit of annoyance in my voice.
"Right, sorry." He repeated and I just gave him a 'really?' look. He let out a small laugh and looked away from me.
"If your here to argue then please just go because I'm currently too emotional." I said, after I took a deep breath.
"I don't want to argue, I never did." He admitted. "I just want to talk."
"Then talk." I said, softly. A small smile grew across my face to make sure that we were both on the same page.
"Nat, I'm sorry." He began. "I should've waited for you, now that I think of how long I actually waited, I realise I'm not sure what I was doing. It must have been some weird way of mourning. Maybe if I move on, I'll feel better, the pain would stop. But the truth is, the pain never stops with mourning. You just learn how to deal with it." He seemed nervous to talk openly like this with me, but he also seemed relaxed? "When you said it was over, and I do not blame you for ending it because I was a jerk and an idiot for not hunting for not trying hard enough. But when you said it was over, I can't lie to you, I crumbled. My heart stung from your words." Tears were gathering in his eyes and they were gathering in mine as well. "Your words cut me deep. I knew I had failed you, and our relationship. Also, our relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me. Those 5 months with you were the best days of my life. When Bru-" He saw me shudder at his name and stopped himself. He was never caught when we escaped last week. I didn't where he was but I couldn't leave like I did before, it was different this time. "When he did what he did to you, you saw how horrified I was. I wanted to punch the hell out of him! I would've killed him! But I knew you needed someone to rely on, someone to be there for you and not to be punching him. And I failed you, I wasn't there when you needed me most and you got 4 months of pain. I blame myself." I interrupted him as a tear streamed down his rosy cheeks.
"Steve, look at me," he looked up and wiped the tear away. "You could never have failed me, it's my fault I was taken because it's my fault I left." He gave me a small smile and continued with his speech.
"And I just want you to know, if you need me, I'm here. I'm just down the hall. I will do everything I can to make sure your happy. I know you need time. You deserve time. I don't know how someone as amazing and beautiful as you, can fall for a fool like me. You deserve better than me. I need you to know that if we never get back to how it was, if we never even speak again after this conversation. I need you to know that I love you more than words can describe, I always have and I ALWAYS will." He finished his speech and tears were falling from his eyes.
"I'm sorry. I love you too and I believe that we can get back to how it was but I need time. I can't fully trust you and I'm afraid that if we get back together so quickly that something is going to happen and we are going to end up on different sides of the world. I hope we can go back to how it was but I need the time to get over what happened back in Kiev. It's been a rough couple of months. For now, can we be friends? I can't imagine my life without you, I need you." I pleaded.
"I'll wait. How ever long it takes. Whatever it takes. I'll wait for you. I need you too. So, friends?" He put his hand out for me to shake it. I wiped the tears from my eyes and shook his hand.
"Friends." I smiled and he smiled back.

The door swung open and Clint stood at the door with his jaw by his feet.
"Rogers?! What the hell do you think your doing here?!" Clint yelled, his face turning red.
"I was just leaving." Steve said standing up.
"Clint, calm down! We worked things out!" I yelled and he looked at me confused.
"So you're...?" He pointed his finger at me and then Steve. Back and forth. Back and forth.
"No. Friends." I said and Clint calmed down a bit.
"Oh okay, sorry Rogers." He said, smiling. You could tell it was fake.
"So I'll see you around, Nat?" Steve said turning back to face me.
"See you around." I smiled. Steve smiled back then walked out of the door, shutting it behind him.

"So. What happened?" Clint ran over and sat by my side.
"He apologised. He said that there was no excuse for what he did and he will do anything to make it up to me." I smiled and Clint smiled back.
"This is the happiest I've seen you all week!" He beamed.
"Yeah, I know." I replied and all went silent for a few minutes.
"You still love him, don't you?" He said, playing with his fingers.
"I do. But I can't run back into his arms so quickly. I need time to heal, mentally and physically. I don't know how long that will take." I said. I told Clint the truth and he knew I knew what I was doing.
"Just give it time. Your trust will grow back and you will know when the time is right." He said before patting my shoulder and standing up and walking to the kitchen.

Time. I just need time. How long? I don't know. I just hope he will still be waiting. Because I love Steve Rogers and I will be with him again at some point, hopefully.

End of Time