The Ghosts of my past.

November 7th, 2009-You

I feel so bad when I look at you;

I wish that I could read your mind.

Your eyes are telling me something;

But it’s a language of a different kind.

I can’t read the thoughts you cling to;

Or the painful memories of your past.

I just wish that our yesterdays,

Could’ve stayed awhile to last.

I blow a kiss to you, and smile,

But you do not smile back at me.

I wonder what you’re thinking of.

I wonder, who to be?

I want to make you happy;

But I don’t know what to say.

I can’t wait until tomorrow..

For it’s a different day.

I see the blade next to my bed;

I dream of it sliding through.

But murder is not the way to go.

I just don’t know what else to do.

I shake my head; I bide my time.

I weep quietly against the sun;

It hurt to know that I’m not ‘her’

I’m not your only ‘one.’

I sometimes dream of suicide;

To help relieve both our pain.

But no, it would never help.

Only strand us both in rain.

They say that ‘love’ is the issue.

But when I look at you, it’s not love I see.

I feel your hurt, but I don’t know what to do.

I don’t think you want to be with me.

So should I go with selfishness,

Or should I go with your joy.

Because I don’t know what else to do anymore;

You were my first; my only, boy.

Forgotten in the memories;

She lies there with her smile.

Think about her for a minute.

And she’ll stay there for awhile.

So when I dream about your laughter,

and I think about my life,

So what to do, oh, what to choose,

I look silently at the knife.