The Soldier

how to honour those fallen by your side

Today was the day. Tessa didn't want to get up. Didn't want to live through that day.

'It's important. Do it for her. Do it for you. Do it so you can properly say goodbye.' Once again Tessa buried herself into her sheets as if they could protect her from what was going to take place today. 'It's your only chance...'

She shook her head, trying to stand up, her body relying on energy she did not possess anymore. What did it matter anyway? Nothing mattered anymore, Ziva was... Once again Tessa shook her head, forcing her body to stand up by sheer will.

She had a really strange dream of -

„... epic battle, Captain America and Iron Man were able to ban the danger and save the lives of hundreds of civilians in Stuttgart last night. The attacker is said to be a very powerful being from outer space called Loki, the God of Mischief and brother of Thor, who joined Captain America and Iron Man after they won last night's battle. In spite of the immediate action of our superheroes, Loki was able to get away. If you have any hints to his whereabouts, call your local police department. Do not under any circumstances approach this person yourself, stay safe and keep yourself updated on our webpage.", the blonde news reporter explained, a blurry picture of Loki and a somewhat accurate drawing on the other half of the screen.

Tessa forgot to turn off the TV last night and it made for a better sound than the lonely silence in her hotel room, she decided, slowly stumbling into the bathroom, rubbing her still sleepy eyes.

No dream then. The news was filled with it, although they mainly talked about how Captain America and Iron Man saved the civilians by fighting back Loki.

Tessa was glad they did not mention anything about a hostage, she liked her anonymity and her face shown in the news was not something she was eager to experience.

What surprised her a bit was their definition of „winning a fight", which definitely did not match Tessa's. In her eyes, Loki won that fight.

He tricked them. Surely, they could save a lot of people, which was counting as a win of course. But they did not win the fight, that was for sure, Tessa thought to herself, while brushing her teeth, the TV repeating the same news once again.

It was a nice background sound, and fulfilled its purpose: Tessa did not think about today or yesterday. She focused on brushing her teeth, nothing else was going through her mind.

The sound of her ringing phone made her flinch for a moment, before she picked it up, looking at the name on the screen. She smiled delighted, picking up with the toothbrush still in her mouth.

„Hey, Tessa. I just wanted to check up on you, how are you feeling?", Daniel's well known, somehow always cheerful voice carried through the bathroom, she put him on speakerphone to avoid the danger of making her phone wet.

Tessa was brushing her teeth, that's what she was feeling and nothing else. Numbness.

Cold and empty, comfortable numbness. And some kind of exhaustion that one can't sleep away. Not while still breathing. But she couldn't tell Dan about that. He would only worry and make her talk about it and talking about it wasn't what she needed right now.

He asked her to get an honest answer and he would be there for her, Tessa knew that. He always was. She knew he had good intentions, in fact, she highly doubted Daniel was capable of anything else than 'good intentions'.

„That's really nice of you, Dan, thank you. I'm fine, how are you though? How is Emma doing?", she returned his question, spitting in the sink for the last time before washing out her mouth, listening to Daniel.