The Soldier

justified questionably

„I know this looks suspicious but -"

„This doesn't look suspicious at all, Tessa. It just proves what I thought since the moment I saw you lying on my doorstep. Whatever he did to you is showing now. And I damn well hope, it's not yourself who took the decision to not tell me about Loki's plan.", Tony interrupted her, for once not being glad that he was right with what he said all along.

„I... I don't know what or how Loki did anything, I swear. Did Thor tell you about my tattoo?"

Tony nodded without looking at her face, shoving her down the corridors with more force than necessary. 

'He is my brother, Stark. He can be cruel sometimes, but that... I don't believe he did something like that. I really see no reason in distrusting her and keeping her here for any longer though.', Tony recalled Thor's words in his mind.

He even planned to let her go back then, making sure she got help and leave her be afterwards.

But then Thor talked about the other things Tessa told him, about Loki's plans.

She didn't trust him, and likewise he didn't trust her.

„I only remembered when Thor was reading my mind. Maybe they use some similar kind of magic that brought this memory back into my mind or I just forgot about it because I try to forget... try to forget anything that happened. I don't like to remember how it felt to be imprisoned, depending entirely on the mood of a crazy madman trying to own the world in order to fill an emptiness going deeper than someone like you or me could imagine.", Tessa explained, choosing her words careful and as wisely as possible.

It hit Tony just where she tried to hit him, and he swallowed for a second, before opening the door to her room.

Without hesitation Tessa moved over to her bed, yawning for a second. She was not used to being awake for such a long time anymore, and her wound started to itch again.

„I'm not discussing this with you now, Tessa. No matter why you did what you did, I have to protect you and everyone else, and right now the best way to do this is making sure you stay in this room.", Tony explained, pressing some buttons on the machine beside her bed.

Without another word he turned around and was on his way out.

The blue bonds around Tessa's wrists made her heart pound faster. No possibility to get out. No weapon, no window, no sounds.

'Hold still.', it echoed in her mind. Cruel laughter and someone gripping her chin.

Tess. Calm down.

Brown walls all around her. Dust and red drops, silver knives mirroring a lightbulb. It was so hot and her throat was so dry, she could not scream anymore. Not that they would stop. Or anyone could hear her.

„Tessa?"

Who told them her name? She was not that important. Not that big of a hostage. A means to an end, someone they could use as bait. They did not know her name, she never told them. They never asked. Guns made louder noises than voices, what was a name in a world like that anyway? It was not important. Water was important.

Blood too.

Tessa's eyes stayed close when Tony shook her shoulder, the monitor beside her bed beeping alarmingly.

Tess, what -

Black.

Tessa, this is not funny. Why are you not answering me?

Loki paced up and down Tessa's living room. He often found himself here when he tried to think or talk to Tessa in her mind.

The connection was somehow better, maybe because he could still almost feel her presence here.

It felt like a long time since they really saw each other and had it not been for the little mark he left on her neck, they probably wouldn't have been able to talk like that in the first place.

It was exhausting, talking to her over a distance as far as this, but it was necessary; harder when she was mad at him, so stubborn and... hurt, to almost be able and kick him out. Not that it was something she really considered, Loki knew that.

He had to hide in places where she was not going anymore.

Tessa's mind was so well ordered and had it been a physical place he would have probably despised it. It was full and so... structured. So many drawers she never opened, so many secrets. Memories she never wanted to see again. He hid between them for hours.

It was a safe space, he could hear what she was hearing, see what she was seeing and feel whatever her brain thought to feel.

Still, it was not a beautiful place, not a place where he liked to stay any longer than necessary.

Loki liked the chaos in Tessa's conscious mind a lot more than the well ordered stuff she hid in the back.

Now he was not getting any signal back. Not that this would be a first, but it worried him a bit. Normally Loki could at least tell if she was awake or asleep and if she was stressed out or calm. But now he felt absolutely nothing. It was like her mind was empty and while he knew what that probably meant, alone the thought of it made him nervous.

The mind of a mortal never shut down like that when it was still alive. When they slept, they dreamed and when they were awake their mind was busy all the time. Something like complete silence was not an option for them. They were always full of chaos, at least Tessa's mind was.

He could almost appreciate that, but he was too nervous about what that silence meant coming from Tessa's mind. She was probably dead. Most likely even.

Tessa, answer me. I am... Tessa, I am serious. Answer me!

But the only thing he heard was the echo of his own words in her mind, no reaction whatsoever from her. Why was she not answering him?

And... why did he even care? Thor was probably on his way to Asgard already, so Tessa basically fulfilled her purpose.

He was only using her, Loki told himself. She was not someone he needed to save, she was a soldier. And soldiers die in battles.

Wendy started meowing suddenly, looking at him in the special judgemental way that only cats seem to master.

„What?", he said, shaking his head when he realized he was talking to a cat.

He did not need to justify his actions, not in front of this cat, not in front of Tessa and... he did not need to justify anything. The cat was standing beside him now, and without thinking too much about it, Loki picked her up.

Tessa loved that cat, who was purring in his arms now.

He would never admit that he enjoyed that feeling, not to anyone. Not even to himself.

He had no time for stuff like that though. He had a plan, he needed to take over this world before Thor would come back, because he was the only one who would stand a chance against him and his army... well. Him, basically. His illusions and himself, because Tessa was... well, Tessa was not there anymore. It was annoying that he was bothered so much by her absence and he scolded himself for even thinking about missing her. She was his soldier, not more and not less.

He could have believed that, if it wasn't for how he accepted that this was not true in order to gain back her trust. She was more than a replaceable soldier to him.

An ally, a... friend almost.

And he would definitely regret what he was about to do, but Wendy purred and he let her down, before vanishing. 

'This is madness.'

Was it?