The Soldier

there is still place for both of us

I can explain this, Tess, if you only let me -

'Get the hell out of my mind and don't you dare ever coming back!', Tessa screamed inside her head at him, trying to hide her true feelings about him being back.

Because she missed him, even though she could slap herself for feeling like that.

Maybe he could explain, maybe there was a reason for his behaviour, but Tessa was too mad to admit that she wanted to hear why he did what he did. He owed her an explanation. She was still curious, even though she should kick him out of her mind right now for what he did.

I know you are not serious, Tessa.

'I am though. Whatever my stupid brain tells you. You tried to murder me, why should I still want you in my mind? You stabbed me, Loki. I'm not dumb, I know I should kick you out as soon as possible.', Tessa answered, trying to get comfortable with the blue bonds around her wrists and ankles.

Loki brought her in that situation, and even though Tony promised she would be allowed to leave in a couple of days, she highly doubted that.

Something about Tony was telling her he lied, she was very wary around him, but she figured out how she needed to act around him to make him let her go sometime in the near future.

He seemed to have a place in his heart for hostages like her, for people coming back from war and when she told him she got kicked out of the army because she started to ask the wrong questions, Tony even smiled at her.

„I bet you will get along great with Cap. He wanted to meet you anyways. He and Pepper convinced me to let you stay here", Tony said, checking the monitors beside her bed before leaving her alone again.

Can we please focus on the important things now, Tessa?

'Try to explain and justify what you did and I will think about if I want to stick to the things you consider important.'

Only eight days with them and you already talk to me like that, what a shame

Only eight days? It felt like she was lying around here since an eternity already. A lonely eternity.

'It's not their fault. You forgot the part where you tried to murder me.'

Oh, come on, Tess. If I wanted to murder you, you would be long dead by now. I could have done that a thousand times already, I could even now, without moving a finger. Just like that.

'You do realise that this is not exactly speaking for you, right?'

The point is, you know that if I wished your death, you would be dead already. It was part of the plan to injure you, that was the only way to gain their trust, Tessa and that was your assignment. You agreed.

The worst thing was, that he was kind of right. She agreed to this assignment, she agreed to be unquestioningly loyal to him and his cause and she even was dumb enough to agree to his plan without actually knowing what that would mean in the end. But what he did was not fair.

Tessa should know by now that he was not fair. If it served his cause or her preparation for it, moral was a very, very loose concept.

'Why didn't you tell me?'

Because it was easier like that, for both of us, believe me. I probably would not have done it if you had the time to beg me to not do it, and I could not take that risk. Because it was necessary, and I know you know that. I am sure you understand it too, Tess.

'The crazy thing is, I do. But we could have found another way, I'm sure about that. You are so cold sometimes. And I had that strange feeling you would never really harm me, which in hindsight was probably naive and dumb, but -'

I will never do it again. I promise.

His voice sounded the most honest Tessa had ever heard it.

There was no chuckle or grin behind it, no smart move or twisted words and while most of her mind denied him another chance of trust, there was that tiny hopeful 'maybe' floating around.

She could not forgive him for what happened, she would probably never be able to do so, but maybe she could give him a chance to make it better.

He did not need to know that though, Tessa thought, ignoring that he knew everything that happened inside her mind if she did not make the additional effort to hide it better.

'Sure, because you never twisted a promise, right?'

I mean it, Tess. I will never hurt or harm you like that again.

'If I survive that, maybe you can prove it, Loki.'

You will, as long as you stick to the plan. Tell Thor that I want to take over Asgard, gain their trust so they believe you. Once Thor is gone, I will come and get you.

'I hope so.'

Trust me, it will work out just fine.

'I won't. Not that fast at least.'

Loki chuckled inside her mind, before stating once again the obvious.

Tess, I am in your mind, it has no sense to lie to me. You are doing the right thing though.

Tessa highly doubted that, but what should she say?

Loki was right, there was a tiny part that still trusted him. For whatever reason Tessa could not understand, but here she was, being part of Loki's plan and playing her role as his soldier the way they both wanted to, even if Tessa would not admit that at the moment.

She was feeling rather tired from one moment to the other, yawning and adjusting the blanket on her with a wiggle.

Tessa was already asleep when she tried to get rid of the blanket over her because of the sudden warmth.