The Soldier

stories of milkman's children

Loki was waiting for Tessa, when she entered her apartment, carelessly throwing her shoes and jacket somewhere. He stared at her, noticing that she ran here and that she was angry, but he did not seem to care about that, continuing to stare her down until she looked back at him and crossed her arms, paying full attention to him.

„Are you going to say something or are you just here for your amusement? So sorry to disappoint, but right now I'm not the most -"

„Where were you?", Loki interrupted her, tilting his head, an almost threatening grin on his lips, arched eyebrows expecting an explanation for why she was not there when he wanted her to be there.

Tessa frowned, calming down a bit when the usual coldness coming from Loki surrounded her. She gave up questioning it, somehow it was colder when he was in the same room with her. By far, not the weirdest thing that happened during the last days.

„I was visiting Laura and Harry, had I known you wanted to train me, I -"

„I told you yesterday, did I not? You need to train, you have to be there when I want to prepare you for your assignment. Why were you even visiting your parents in the first place?", he explained, cold demand in his voice.

That was him being a commander and she probably should have been a good soldier and agree with him, but she already tried to explain it to him, only to be interrupted.

She had enough of people not letting her finish what she started. Before she could stop herself, she almost screamed at him, approaching him in a speed that should have surprised him, accusingly tapping her pointing index finger on his chest.

„They are not my parents! And how about you tell me when you decide to just appear here and train me? I want to stay in your army, I want to fight by your side, but I need to know when you need me to be here. I have to get used to this civilian life again, I need to go out and get used to that feeling of not belonging again. I don't expect you to understand, but feeling like you never belonged, like you were an outcast in a world full of people like Laura and Harry or Daniel, I... the army was everything I had, that was where I felt home. Which is weird, because who feels home at a battlefield? Who does that, it's goddamn insane... Where are these damn shoes?", Tessa said angrily, storming around searching for her shoes again to go for another run.

It was a good coping mechanism and a bit of training was probably also what Loki would approve of. But screw Loki and what he would approve off. Screw all of them, Tessa thought. Loki just stared at her, a sudden comprehension on his facial features.

„Don't you dare saying you understand me now. I'm mad at Daniel because of stuff like that.", Tessa added, putting on her shoes again.

If he wanted to train her, fine. They could still do that, it was not that late. She tried to calm down, focusing on her breathing and on tying her shoelaces. It actually worked and did not take her as long as she initially thought to gain back control over herself and her emotions.

Loki cleared his throat and was about to say something, but before he could, Tessa decided to get everything off her chest. She started already, why stop now? Maybe later she wouldn't have the guts to tell him all that face to face, so she might as well use that burning anger for something productive now.

„Oh, and while I'm at it, we need to talk about boundaries. Appearing out of nowhere, not cool. Reading my mind, not cool. Expecting me to be there all the time without telling me about our schedule beforehand, also not cool. And -"

„Do not exaggerate your position, soldier. I listened to your ridiculous complaints for long enough now.", Loki said, and Tessa stopped, carefully looking at him and waiting for another answer.

When he didn't speak, Tessa did. Calmer that time, more careful.

„We can still train if you want to, it's not that late and..." Tessa squared her shoulders, looking at Loki, who was looking back at her calculating.

„I did not ask for your permission, Tess. And yes, we do need to talk about boundaries. I am not sure if you understand what your role is here. I want you to be prepared, all the time, and that is why you are going to adjust yourself to be prepared all the time. Is that not what soldiers are taught here on Midgard? You are a mortal, being adaptable is one of the few redeeming qualities Midgardians have.", Loki explained.

'Racist asshole, I'll show you adaptable, you -'

He is going all commander-mode. You know how to behave yourself in situations like that, sweetheart. Forget your anger for a moment. You want to be a soldier, don't you? Then let him be a commander. You got this.

Tessa took a deep breath, calming herself down. This was okay.

„Got it.", she said, surprised by how calm she sounded. How... sad too though.

Loki looked at her in disbelief, before nodding approvingly. Then his demeanour changed, and he looked at her, almost caring now.

„The truth is, I do understand though, Tess. I know how it feels when everyone treats you like you would not belong. I am not even... I was not born on Asgard, and they made me feel that too. I know you read about it, I know that you know, so I may as well just tell you. I am not exactly Asgardian - and that is the reason why Odin would never let me become king of Asgard, why he and everyone else prefers Thor over me.", Loki said, only regretting it a tiny bit afterwards.

She trusted him, and for some reason that made him trust her too. Besides, she already knew.

„I would not.", Tessa said carefully, realising only now what she just told him, that she felt like an outcast, that she was adopted, even though she did not want to tell him that at the beginning.

But the weirdest thing was, it did not really bother her. So what? She decided to trust him.

„So... are you a Frost Giant?", Tessa asked, going in his direction, the familiar coldness not making her really shiver anymore.

Loki looked at her, and Tessa was not sure if that question was too much for her to ask. He nodded in the end, turning around, clearly not interested in continuing that conversation.

„Shall we start? You still need to figure out how you can distinguish reality from illusion. But for your coming assignment, it will not be necessary. Fulfilling your duties as my soldier will lead to devastating situations. And I want you to be prepared, Tess."

Without further warning, Loki grabbed her shoulder and she closed her eyes and held her breath, hoping it would make the nausea less bad. It did even work to some extent, she did not vomit, which was improvement enough.

„Where are we here?", Tessa asked, only to notice that Loki was not standing beside her anymore. She was completely alone.

Scanning her surroundings, she recognized the house in front of her. It was Ziva's, but it looked... different.

Days ago it was flawlessly white, not a single sign of weather impacts or necessary repairs, but now it looked old, almost grey and Tessa was confused for a moment, slowly approaching it. There were three bikes leaning beside the entrance door, two for grown-ups and one for a child.

Tessa stared at it for a second, ringing the bell in a knee-jerk reaction. Before she could think about what she would say, the door was opened by a blonde woman. 

Her hair looked golden in the sunlight and she smiled at Tessa for a second before it froze on her face, disbelief in her ice blue eyes.