Down But Not Out

Chapter 46

Note: Okay so I've decided that I really can't be evil and make you all wait until Sunday/Monday, mostly because I'm dying for you to actually read the ending. I would've uploaded yesterday but I was way too tired- simply because I have to travel to and from college and I hate travelling. Anyway these are the last four chapters of this story, I hope you like them and yes I do have a sequel and it WILL be posted on Sunday or Monday, but I have a shit load of homework to do so I'm not sure which day it will be uploaded. Okay then, enjoy my lovelies xx

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Elissa's legs collapsed beneath her, and because I was having trouble holding my own weight up I also collapsed under the strain of trying to hold both me and Elissa up. We crashed onto the floor with a loud thud and a tangle of limbs as we continued gripping each other.

I removed my face from Elissa's hair before wiping my eyes, trying to gain control of my sobbing as I was just making myself feel sick with each gut wrenching that sob that was forced out of my body, while no tears fell anymore. I was sure I'd used up a lifetime's worth in just fifteen minutes. My hands rested against the back of Elissa's hair and across her shoulder as her arms encircled my waist and she continued crying into my shoulder. Instead I looked up through the window, just able to make out Josh and the machinery surrounding him from my place on the floor.

I didn't want to watch, but I felt that I at least owed it to him to watch him go into what I was hoping was a peaceful sleep. I watched as the Doctor moved around to the life support machine and I caught a quick glance of Kate and Richard, who looked like they'd shed a lot of tears themselves. I blinked and focused back on the Doctor as I watched his hand rise and rest on the switch of the machine. His head rose as he looked at Richard, who nodded his head once. The switch lowered and I heard the stutter through the open door as Josh's heart monitor showed that his heart was slowing and I could no longer hearing him breathing- since he'd had a mask over his face that allowed you to hear his breaths. Elissa's chest heaved before she groaned into my shoulder as she tried to breathe but her sobs wouldn't let her.

I rubbed her back, swallowing through the horrid taste in my mouth and around the lump in my throat that had been caused by my tears as I watched Richard and Kate holding each other while they sobbed as I looked to see that Josh looked peaceful in his resting place. I gasped and blinked before shaking my head and burying my face in Elissa's shoulder and crying all over again.

My heart felt like it was breaking, and while I understood that was impossible since I would die to, I couldn't explain it any other way. I could feel my pulse throughout my body as my heart beat against my chest painfully, demanding to be let out so that I could actually give it to Josh, letting me die alongside him. It was the only thing I could think of doing to help me get rid of this pain that was pumping around my body. And while I wouldn't do that because not only would it mean my parents would suffer losing their only remaining daughter, I would also hurt Summer, which would have a knock effect on Dan, therefore probably causing pain to the other guys to. Plus now I felt responsible for Elissa, we'd bonded over our time spent together and I felt that I should be here for her, to help her cope since I had a feeling she wouldn't be talking to her parents until the sting of betrayal faded. It was also a selfish impulse that kept me here. I would never have the guts to take my own life, I have a low pain tolerance and the idea of blood makes me squeamish.

I could only think about how things would have been different if it had been me that was stabbed. While I'm sure Josh fought as hard as he could I would've fought harder for the both of us, for Summer and my parents and I didn't have four band mates and thousands of screaming fans. I would've only had Josh and my family and close friends as fuel for me to want to live on and share my life with those whom I loved. Being real about it thought I would've preferred to get stabbed and to go through the pain that Josh had gone through, that way he wouldn't have suffered and he still would have his life ahead of him.