THREESOME

twelve - forgiveness?

He stood up. "You looked really nice today," he walked closer to my bed. "Could not keep my eye off of you," the minute he touched my bed, I had to shut that down.

"Nope," he stopped. "Don't be offended or anything but I'm kind of comparing you to my ex right now."

"Are you serious? He's a fucken child. How old is he again?" He seemed mad. Yay.

"Like 19. 20 I think."

"Yeah. Right. I've lived for about 6 or 7 years more and your comparing me to a child? He's a fucken child Frankie. He cheated on you several times and didn't even have the balls to tell you. And it was with his stuck up ex. And your comparing me to that?"

"Yes, I am," I stood up on my bed. "I'm scared okay. He was my first boyfriend and nearly first love. Yeah I'm scared I might be cheated on or in this case left in the dust because it's happened. My mom, my dad, my bestfriend, my boyfriend," I started crying. Oh no. "It hurts. People I've loved left me and I don't want to fall in love and be left. I'm insecure like crazy. I mean look at me," I gestured to my body, "so yeah I'm comparing you two. You being older makes it even more nerve racking." I took a deep breath in before bouncing back down on the couch.

He sat down next to me. "I'm sorry." He pulled me into a side hug. "I don't want you to ever see me that way nor feel that way. Your a special person and if it isn't me, I hope someone one day could make you feel as special as you are." He gave me a small smile.

"Thank you."

***

Side by side we laid.

"So what's the deal with you and...Jocelyne."

"We dated for a while but broke up because, get this, she cheated," he threw up his hands for dramatic effect. "Then, I forgave her but, she just did the nastiest things. Then when I finally excepted her as a friend, she did and said some really fucked up shit. So, now it's just this awkward stage of events," he said, letting out a long breath.

"So like, why'd you become her friend? Why'd you forgive her?" I didn't really understand that. She cheated and betrayed you yet, you forgive her? Couldn't be me.

"Well, I forgave because life's all about mistakes and wrong doing. But you don't learn from it unless your actually doing something to get a response. Now she has to suffer with the fact of me being her friend even though she claims she still loves me, and moving the fuck on." His words made me think a lot about what happen in my life. With Scott, with my mom, with Samantha, with Mickey...I forgave Scott and gave him another change even though what he did was horrible and honestly still haunts me til this day. But, Samantha, my supposed friend since like birth, my cheating lying ex boyfriend, and my not so caring mom, I hadn't given them my forgiveness even though thinking about it...mmm no, because all three of them have something in common.

My mom doesn't like me being fat. Samantha called me out for being fat. And Scott called me fat and gross.

But Mickey, he did something as little as cheating and even though that was a big thing to most, it wasn't love. I should he over it already.

Yet somehow, I wasn't over what Samantha did and said and how my mom acts and talks around me. Is that bad?

Even though it took time and many apologies, I forgave Scott. He's my fucking bestfriend, to whoms ego is very big. Yet, I should hate him with literally every inch of my body. But I don't. I hate Mickey like that.

But really, do I hate him or just don't want to actually deal with whatever happened?

I popped up. "Oh my god. Charlie thank you." Almost as if it was a normal thing, I grabbed his face and kished it. Yes kish. My grandmother would do that to me. She'd squeeze my face and kiss my puckered lips.

"Um your welcome. But for what?" He questioned, confused.

"This whole time, I've been so made at Mickey Mouse because he cheated, but it wasn't love, I shouldn't be this upset. I should be over it. But like Scott, Scott tore down my confidence and used my body as a weapon towards myself. Yet, I forgave him and he's my bestfriend. In relation, my mother and Samantha are kind of bad yet I hadn't forgaven them but what Scott said was maybe like a shred worser than what Sammy said." I shook my head thinking about everything. "You know, your a really good teacher." I smiled at him.

Time to make some changes.