I'm Okay

And cherish

TW: anxiety and a panic attack

In the weeks after that, I slowly got better.

Thomas always made sure I was okay with absolutely anything. From hand holding to small kisses to cuddling.

The kindness in his eyes was enough to make me calm down almost instantly if I was about to have a panic attack.

Until one day at work.

---

I shuffle through my pile of papers, waiting to start my presentation.

I chew my lip slightly, still waiting for George and a few other people.

I start feeling nervous and I look out at all of them.

Most of them are talking with each other, sipping their coffee, or honestly on the verge of falling asleep.

I make eye contact with Thomas and mouth 'I can't do this'

I feel the panic attack forming. From the mix of just the prospect of public speaking and being right next to Burr, I'm starting to panic already.

'You're going to do great, love. Deep breaths' he mouths back and I nod slightly.

My breathing starts becoming shallow and I feel like I'm struggling to get air into my lungs.

My stomach ties in knots and I try to push the feeling down.

You're a grown man, Jesus Christ. Just hold it together for one damn presentation.

I take a sip of water, which doesn't help much, and look at the group. George walks in and sits down and gives me a small nod.

I clear my throat, which I can already feel starting to close.

I start talking, pushing down my nervousness. Every time I feel like I'm about to get worse, I look at Thomas and he gives me a reassuring smile.

I continue on, the looming threat of a panic attack keeping me from fully focusing on the presentation.

I stutter a few times and see a few people snicker.

I hear Burr's chuckle and my body tenses.

I slowly feel myself get worse. My throat closes slightly, I'm stuttering and stumbling over my words, and I feel like I'm about to throw up. I can't breathe properly and I feel light-headed.

I try to push through but I'm clearly not okay and the continuing snickers and looks of "this guy is crazy" are not helping.

I desperately try to control it but at this point I'm not going to be able to.

I look up and see Thomas whisper something to George and he nods.

I can hardly focus enough to tell what he's saying but I see everyone stand up and gather their stuff after George says something.

Thomas immediately comes up to me and I don't look up at him, hyperventilating slightly with tears in my eyes.

"Are you okay, love?" He asks softly, placing a hand on my back.

I shake my head, my body tensing up.

"Alright, love. I need you to take a deep breath in and hold it," he directs me softly.

I try to get air into my lungs, finding it next to impossible.

I just shake my head, unable to do it.

"C'mon, honey. Just relax yourself and take a deep breath," he coaxes softly.

I try to relax, getting a bit of air into my lungs.