I'm Okay

Thee

TW: abuse and violence and stuff

"Worthless, cheating whore!" He growls, kicking me again.

I whimper softly and curl up further, incoherent sobs of apology slipping out as I plead for him to stop.

"I give you everything and this is how you repay me?" He glares, not showing any mercy as he continues to beat me senseless.

My vision becomes dark around the edges and I start to lose my bearings. Tears mix with blood and trail down my face, staining my sweater.

I gasp desperately as he places his foot on my stomach, pressing down slowly.

"I... I'm... S-so sor-orry..." I try to whisper, losing breath.

He finally shows mercy and lifts his foot up. I gasp for air, flailing my arms and trying to sit up. James kneels next to me and I whimper in fear, the tears never ceasing.

He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.

"You're so goddamn lucky I love you. Nobody else could. Nobody could ever really love a disgusting, ugly, fat, cheating whore like you. You belong to me."

I nod, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, James. I was being stupid, like always. I don't know what's best for me. I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm a whore... I'm so lucky to have you," I murmur obediently.

He kisses my forehead and I smile genuinely. He loves me. He cares for me.

He stands up, helping me up after him. He kisses my cheek and intertwines our fingers. I take a step and flinch slightly, smiling to myself as James picks me up bridal style and carries me to the bedroom. He sits me on the edge of the bed, changing me carefully and setting my sweater aside to clean later. He gives me one of his shirts, which is oversized and smells like him. I hum happily as he hands me a pair of shorts and helps me pull them on carefully. I sit still as he kneels behind me on the bed and braids my hair gently. I close my eyes and nearly purr as he braids.

This is why. This is why I always stay. It's intoxicating and poisonous but so addicting.

I go to sleep that night content, curled up into James. I wrap my arms around his chest, kissing his cheek and shoulder until he falls asleep. I can be obedient. I can be loyal. I can take the beatings. He only does what he does to help me. He's helping me improve.

I open my eyes, looking up at him. I admire his chiseled jawline, tracing circles on his muscular chest. I hold onto his arm with my other hand, feeling the secureness of being right up against him. His arm is wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer, the steady pace of his breathing lulling me to sleep.

I wake up the next morning and sit up, stretching slightly and wincing. I realize that James isn't beside me and I wonder if he already left for work. I trudge downstairs sleepily, rubbing my eyes and yawning.

My eyes widen slightly and I start smiling when I realize James is cooking breakfast. I go up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, standing on my tippy toes to kiss the back of his neck.

He chuckles softly and turns around, kissing my forehead.

"Morning, Lex," he hums.

"Morning, James," I smile, burying my head in his chest and not wanting to let go.

He wraps his arms around me and rubs my back softly, resting his chin on the top of my head. He kisses the top of my head and lets go of me before turning around to continue cooking. I sit on the counter, resting my head in my hands and admiring him.

I'm really happy he's being nice, but I know it won't last. On the days after he beats me really badly, he gets all nice to make up for it. But I don't care why he's doing it. I plan on soaking up every second of it.

He serves up two plates and sets them on the table. I hop down from the counter and sit down at the table. He takes my hand and leans over to kiss my cheek. I blush slightly and giggle softly. He smiles and starts eating. I tentatively pick up my fork. He might be nice now, but who knows what could set him off again?

I begin eating slowly, smiling to myself.

"Do you want to take a walk in the park today? It's nice and sunny out," he offers.

I smile widely and nod quickly. He laughs softly as I finish eating quickly. I stand up to take his plate but he takes both of them first.

"Go ahead and get dressed, I'll clean up down here."

I smile and nod, walking upstairs happily. Nearly every part of my body aches but I don't really care right now, I'm so happy. I pull on a cream colored sweater and jeans, tying my hair into a bun. I sit on the edge of the sink and start to apply my makeup. I make sure the bruises are covered well before heading back downstairs.

He smiles at me and kisses me softly. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer. He cups my face with his hands and I smile into the kiss. We pull back after a bit and he smiles softly at me.

"I love you, Alex," he murmurs softly.

"I love you too, James," I smile.

He's already dressed, so we quickly pull on our shoes and he takes my hand. I intertwine our fingers and smile up at him. I stand up on my tippy toes to reach him, kissing him softly. I pull back after a while, leaning into him slightly. I look up into his eyes.

"I'm so sorry for yesterday, I was so incredibly stupid. I know there are no excuses but I promise it won't happen again. (hey, author here. It's gonna happen again. A lot. And real soon.) I love you with all my heart, James. I'll never do anything to hurt you like that again," I murmur earnestly.

"Apology accepted," he smiles softly.

I kiss him again before we head out, the sunlight and the cool air making the perfect day.

We start walking towards the park, talking a bit. Mostly about him since I don't really do much of anything. We stroll through the town and he leads me to the coffee shop. We step inside and I smile at the scent of the coffee. Suddenly, the thought of Aaron creeps into my mind and I immediately push the thought away. We get to the front of the line and he orders a black coffee.  (how the frick do people drink black coffee??) Then, to my complete shock, he orders a caramel latte.

He grins at me as they hand over the cups and he gives it to me. I look up at him, almost questioning if I'm allowed to drink it.

"Go ahead," he grins.

I take a sip, smiling to myself. So he does care about me. He remembered. He let me get it.

'Yeah, but he's doing it out of guilt.'

'So? I'm not about to question it'

I take his hand and we walk out, sipping our coffees happily
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(1243 words)
(Published July 24 2019)

Okay so it got happy by the end, don't kill me.