I'm Okay

Take

I let out a relieved sigh as James leaves the house for work, finally allowing myself to sit down and take a break. Glancing around at the open cupboards, I realize that it's inevitable that I need to go shopping today. I grab a pad of paper and a pen and start jotting down what I'll need from the grocery store. I only list the necessities, crossing a few more out after I count the money in my wallet. I sigh softly and grab my jacket and a scarf and stuff my wallet in my pocket before heading out, the list in my hands.

Shivering slightly in the breeze, I pull my jacket tighter around my body and continue walking to the store. I look around, smiling softly to myself at the couples going for walks and the kids enjoying the weekend. I wish I could have that. I wish I could be that happy.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts as I walk up to the store, the breeze ceasing as I walk inside. I look at the paper and start gathering the few items of food, placing them in my basket. I double check my list before getting on the line, fidgeting with the bills and coins in my pocket. The cashier scans all of my items and I see the price flash on the screen and my eyes widen a bit. I pull out the money and recount it, becoming very aware of the line behind me. My heart beats a bit faster from the anxiety and I hand over the money, embarrassed.

"Could you just... Take off these items..." I say, my voice barely audible as I hand back a few of the items, my cheeks burning red.

"I can pay," a kind voice offers from behind me.

I turn around to see Aaron Burr, a former colleague. My face gets even redder and I shake my head.

"I-it's rea-" I mumble, cut off

"Alexander?" He smiles, realizing it's me.

I can't help but smile a bit and nod.

"It's been so long... Maybe we can grab a cup of coffee after this?" He offers, already handing his card to the cashier before I can protest.

"Oh, I don't think I can..." I say as the cashier hands me my bags and my money back.

"Why not?" He questions as his bags are rung up.

"I don't think James would want me to..." I mumble.

"And why is that? He surely would be alright with you grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend," he smiles, taking his bags.

Truth is, I like Aaron. I liked him while we worked together, I liked him even when I was dating James, I still get butterflies in my stomach at the thought of him...

James would think I was cheating if I went out to get coffee with him.

Still, I can't say no to the prospect of it. I haven't hung out with anyone in a long time other than James. And he called me his friend? I kinda always thought he didn't like me. I eventually give in and we start walking out. He leads me to his car and I gratefully get in, happy I don't have to walk anymore.

He starts the car and we begin driving as I fidget with the cuffs of my jacket.

"So how have you been?" He asks, keeping his eyes on the road, "You married James, right? How's he?"

"I've been pretty good, just busy... Yeah, James and I got married last spring. He's doing well, he just got a promotion at his office. Speaking of which, how's the firm doing? Still holding up since I left?" I ask, a bit teasingly.

He chuckles a bit and I smile. His laugh is nice, much kinder than James's. His is soft and deep, James's is cold and harsh.

"We've been doing alright. It's quite boring without you there. We have a few new lawyers, a couple interns. One of them knows you from high school. Thomas Jefferson I think?"

I smile and nod, happy that Thomas remembered me. We were best friends in high school. I helped him when he came out as gay and he did the same for me when I came out as bi. We dated for a bit until his homophobic parents found out and forbade us from seeing each other. I never saw him after high school.

"He's quite the arguer. I remember high school debate team with him," I laugh softly.

We pull up to the coffee shop after talking for a bit and we get out.

As soon as we walk in, the scent of coffee floods my nose and I smile to myself. We get on line and continue talking.

"I still remember your order. Hazelnut with two cream, no sugar," I say proudly.

We had a funny relationship. We would argue but at the same time the whole firm was really close and knew each other well, so we'd always try to make life easier for each other by buying food and coffee and stuff like that.

He smiles and laughs, "Correct. And you'd always get a caramel latte. You hated the taste of the coffee but you needed the caffeine."

I smile and nod, feeling happy that he actually cared enough to remember. We get to the front of the line and he orders and pays before I can even protest. We take our coffees and sit in a corner seat. I glance around a bit, slightly on edge and afraid that James will somehow know I'm here. Aaron looks at me slightly confused as he takes a sip of his coffee. About to take a sip, I remember why I hadn't had a caramel latte in forever. James said they had too much sugar and I'd get fat. I bite my lip and debate in my head a bit before taking a small sip and smiling to myself.

We continue talking for a while and I begin to get a bit sweaty, so I take my scarf of and set it in my lap, tying my hair up to keep it out of my face. I quickly see Aaron's face contort in confusion and I raise an eyebrow before realizing I forgot to put makeup on this morning. I try to cover them but the damage is done.

"What happened? ... Did James do that?" He asks quietly.

I shake my head and he raises an eyebrow. I bite my lip and nod, looking down and struggling not to let the tears fall. He reaches out and places his hand on top of mine as I let the tears cascade down my face. I let it all out and he moves to the seat next to me, wrapping an arm around me. The sobs die down to sniffles and I look up at him, suddenly quite aware of his arm around me.

"Remember, you have more friends than you realize. You're loved by so many people. Including me. I'm here for you." He smiles softly, as I lean into him.

He comforts me for a while, rubbing my back softly. I sit up after a while, wiping my eyes. He sits back across from me and I put my hands on top of his, my breath steadying.

I look into his deep brown eyes and I'm transported back to the first day of my job. I was a young lawyer, determined and focused. I stepped into that office and met his eyes, my heart leaping a bit.

I'm brought back to reality as I hear my phone buzz. It's James.

James❤️- I'll be home in half an hour. Dinner better be ready.

I stand up suddenly, panicking slightly.

"I need to get home, do you think you could drive me?" I ask, pulling on my scarf.

Aaron nods and we hurry out. I start hyperventilating as we drive and he places a hand on mine, calming me down.

We get to the house and I grab my bags, scared to see that I have barely 10 minutes to cook.

"Thank you," I murmur.

He smiles and nods, "Any time..."

In a sudden rush of adrenaline and stupidity, I lean in and kiss him. His eyes widen before he melts into the kiss and cups my cheek.

I pull back after a minute, his hands still cupping my face. My cheeks are flushed and I'm giggly. He smiles sheepishly and bites his lip adorably.

And cause fate (and the author) hates me, James pulls in right at this moment.
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(1440 words)
(Published July 23)