The Words I couldn't Say

Silence

The silence that hangs around me
It's the only thing
That will ever listen to me

It's not that I don't have people
I want to talk to
Or someone that'll listen
But why tell them
When they don't care enough to ask?

The air is always there
Regardless if it wants to be
It'll take my words
Be filled with my sobs
And it'll listen even if it doesn't care

It's not the nosy teachers that ask
That called a meeting
To get me to therapy

It's not the people
That go up to me and see the bandage
Over my wrist and go

"Oh are you suicidal? One of those depressed emo kids that cut?"

It just hangs around me
And it's always there
Where ever I go

It's something that'll never speak
Of the things that go on inside my head
It's comforting

But it's slowly killing me.

It won't share my tears
Even if I don't want it too

It won't hug me
When I don't ask aloud
But am silently begging
Just to be held

It won't pat my head
And wipe my tears

It won't do anything
It won't do anything because it's not
A person

It can't really hear what I say
It can't feel my pain
I found comfort in telling the silence

I found comfort in believing a lie I made for myself
An illusion of safety
Poisoned my mind

My mind poisoned itself

Its then I realize
That even by telling
Pouring my heart out to the silence
That even then
I don't have a voice

It's then I realize
No where is safe
Everything I find comfort in
Will always be a lie
A lie that's one step closer
To my own demise