It's been a rough couple days. I haven't posted much in a while which I guess is a good thing. But nothing much has changed. I got a boyfriend, the same person I wrote about. Ever since I've actually been a little happier. Although I haven't been perfect.
I often want to have a person that I can go to and just vent to. No I can't go to the people closest to me, that'll only make them sad. I don't mean a therapist either. Just someone that I can remember the good old days with, someone I can share my woes with, just someone that'll listen and listen.
Good news though, I haven't cut. I do trace my scars a lot though. One day in class I totaled them up... 42. 42 of them. Now that I'm actually saying it aloud it seems much worse than before. But there's bad news too. I had a med check up and I still haven't confessed that I've cut, planned my death just incase, and that I have already thought about what to put in a suicide note.
I don't want to die. I'm scared of dying. But I'm also scared of living, living is terrifying. I never know when the next wave of emotions will come, when the next panic attack will strike, the next failure, the next friend to leave me, I'll never know.
To everyone else feeling this way, and although it's seems a bit weird considering I have no place to be giving advice, dont give up. Easier said then done I know. But life will always be a struggle when you just want to go, please keep fighting. You are stunning inside and out and my heart would break if I ever found out you were gone, even though I don't know you I relate to you and I can connect with you. So please stay and let your heart continue beating.
-S
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The Words I couldn't Say
PoetryThis is a place for me to put all the things I wish I said but I just couldn't. These are a way for me to "say" these things without actually saying them to the person I want to. I probably won't ever go back or read any of these because it's like r...
