Oceans full of pills
Bath tubs filled with my blood
Yet I still breathe
The tiny pieces of my shattered heart
They are beating
Two suicide attempts
Over fifty scars on my wrists
And a mind ready to explode
Yet here I am
I'm standing on a mountain that never ends
It's name is the past
It haunts me whenever it can
It's waves crash around me
Suffocating my screams
But there is still another day
Another opportunity to sink my ship
Anxiety and Depression are my friends
Don't forget Silence either
They are the only company my mind has
And they are the things destroying me
It's ironic how they are also
The ones saving me
Anxiety tells me living is hard and difficult
The outside world is dangerous and I should be afraid
I am
But it's also too scared to die so it cages me
It keeps me here
Depression whispers the things people say about me
It tells me why I don't deserve anything
why I'm such a worthless human being
Why I'm a burden to you all
It also cages me
Silence hangs around wherever I go
It holds my hand as I tell it stories of my day
It gathers every sob that bleeds into the air
And just as it follows me
I begin to follow it
Caging myself
My friends and I don't like anyone else
We don't want more company
We know we'll get hurt and we know
We'll be abandoned
We don't go out to parties or play little games
Because we don't want to have fun
When we really don't feel like having fun
And when people tell us we're weird
A toxic group
We nod our heads and walk by
Because we don't know who we are at this point
There is no me or you because I can't even remember myself
I can't remember happiness and I'm used to it
I don't dare try to find it because Anxiety would cry if I left it
Only to come back shattered even more
And Depression would hate me most if I tried because it too doesn't have happiness but yearns for it
We don't know who we are
Why we are here but god forbid we find out
Because we are the depressed mixed girl
at school
that's always smiling and laughing but somehow everyone senses something just isn't right
We are Depression, Anxiety, Silence, and Me
We are a group that I don't want to be apart of
We are the ocean of pills
The tubs of blood
The mountain of the past coming back to haunt me
We are everything I hate and can't live without
Because I would not know how to function
If I were "normal"
I cannot imagine a life where I am happy
That sounds like a dream to me
A dream that will forever be stepped on
And thrown away by us
My Friends and Me
We are the soul purpose this body
This life
My very essence
Is alive to this day
Yet we are the soul purpose
My essence
Is caving in on itself
To the point if no return
YOU ARE READING
The Words I couldn't Say
PoetryThis is a place for me to put all the things I wish I said but I just couldn't. These are a way for me to "say" these things without actually saying them to the person I want to. I probably won't ever go back or read any of these because it's like r...
