The Words I couldn't Say

the thing is

Note: I'm using "you" as a way to talk to myself, this is not meant to point anyone out or make anyone feel worse. This is me trying to get myself back on my feet; it isn't me attacking anyone and everyone that reads this.

The thing about depression and anxiety is

Your family
Your friends
Anything and everyone
That you hold deeply

Can't save you

They can try

They can try and try
But they can't do anything
They will fail
Every time

You cannot be saved
They cannot save you

If you hadn't been so depressed and suicidal
They wouldn't have hope trying to save you
They wouldn't be trying so hard
They wouldn't be feeling that regret of not doing enough or doing too much

They wouldn't be running in circles

They can't save you
They never will

They need to realize that
All their efforts of saving you
Are futile

The only one who can save you
The only one that can stop you from ending it all
The only person who has that kind of power; the power to want to live the power to want to strive

Is you

You have to want it
You have to want to live

You have to put the gun down, untie that rope, hide the pill bottles, and look away from the knife

In the end the only person that can ever save you

Is you

You can argue all you want
You can think well I'm still here because of this or that but you know that is not the case

People can love you and try to save you all they want
They can impact your decision but you are the only thing standing in the way of being free from this hell

Things like

"I can't take it anymore"
"I did try"
"This is too much"

Are excuses
If you're going to kill yourself anyway
Then no
You didn't try
You aren't trying
Because if you did you would still be fighting

You can't want to live and then give up because your tired of trying
Living is never going to be easy and you will never be done trying
You cannot grow tired of this if you want to live and be happy
It does not work like that

There is no such thing as too much
The person that decides what's too much is you and if you still want to die and you're sick and tired of trying then you aren't trying hard enough

You cannot be saved
Nothing
No one will save you

Because the decision
Belongs to you and you alone

The only one to blame for your death will be you
The only one to be responsible for your healing is you

You don't have anyone to blame but yourself
You don't have anyone to thank but yourself

Everything is up to you
The choice is yours to make
You heart is in your hands
It's fragile
Don't be like them when they dropped it
Don't be so cold and callous
Don't become what you swore never to be

Don't let that demon win

You cannot be saved

You are the only one who controls the outcome
Your story is yours and yours alone

What will you do?